Here comes the turnip truck!

I honestly thought I was the only freak who was blogging to get Oprah and/or Tina’s attention. I’m not. While there are many blogs gushing with love for these two creatures, one blogger’s obsession with Tina Fey scares me. All I’m saying is that, although I think this blogger is a good writer, there is something just a little off kilter with To anyone who comes across her in life I’m warning you: “Find The Barrel, Kermit!

I don’t want to be just another loser in love. Not that I think a———– (blog address changed to protect her secret identity) is a loser. I don’t. In fact, I’m a little envious of her for thinking of using blogology to reach out to celebrities years before it occurred to me.

I also don’t want Oprah or Tina to think I’m a freak and run away from me if we ever do meet. What good does that do anybody?  I think that I will hide out under the turnip truck for a while with the other odd little buggers nesting there.

Bug-A-Licious Me

These poor celebrities. Every Tom, Dick and Jane seems to feel it is within their right to passive aggressively stalk famous and semi-famous people and violate their privacy by simply taking to the blogging machine.  These high-profile people can’t even have a little morsel to eat without someone commenting on their peculiar chewing methods. Weirdos – the fans, not the celebrities. To all the celebrities and semi-celebrities I say, “Find the Barrel, Kermits!

In spite of all this I still wish I were a celebrity. If you, my blog readers, rally together to make me a celebrity, I promise I won’t let you down. I will never, never scoff if a fan gives me a branch with a giant hydrangea ball on the end of it. Madonna “loathes” hydrangeas. Not me. I will accept anything … flowers, plants, trees, cotton balls, etc. To see Madonna (who I still think rocks like a bucket full of pretty boulders) dismiss a fan’s gift, click the following link:

To see me graciously accepting a wonderful fan gift look below.

Accepting a Wonderful Gift From My Adoring Fans Me

Speaking of celebrities, my friend Margaret (see post 4) is a local celebrity of sorts. There is a bar she likes to frequent in her town called The Depot. The Depot is a place where everybody knows her name. In addition, she is very friendly with her neighborhood mailmen – and there is one mailman named maT with whom she is particularly tight. (maT is just a cool way to spell Mat). Plus, she had her picture taken once with a local news reporter named Randy Price who she thinks is famous, so I will count that too. (The afore-mentioned mailman with whom she is particularly tight is also in this picture.)

Margaret, Randy and MaT the Mailman

I bet if everyone writes a note to Margaret in the COMMENTS section of this or any other post about her, together we can make her feel like an even bigger STAR!

Don’t worry Margie, I’ll be your Mama Rose.

One day my friend Margaret texted me a question asking me how I would describe her to other people… or maybe she said “What would you say about me if I were dead?” – I can’t remember exactly how this story began. Regardless, this text conversation (again, see post 4 for the texting reference) inspired me to write a living eulogy for Margaret. I don’t write living eulogies for just anyone. In fact, Margaret’s is the only one I’ve written to date.

Would you like to read a bit more about my friend Margaret? Good! What? Well, I don’t care if you don’t want to read about her … you can just go to another blog! You have a billion and one to choose from. (Note: As with spelling and grammar, I am not good with numbers either – I bet it is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain – so I’m not sure how many zeros go after the 1 to make it read one billion. Deal with it. I have to.)

For those of you who would like to know Margaret a little better, come back on Friday and hopefully I will have another blog posted with more details!

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.