Heroes Gone Bad or What Would David the Edge Do?

Tags

celebrities, entertainment, Olympics 2012, Oscar Pistorius, turnip truck, turnips

Here comes the turnip truck!

YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE, PISTORIUS!

As many of you may remember, over the summer I posted an article about some of my 2012 Summer Olympic heroes who I believed exemplified a good attitude.

Well, what do I know?

As it turns out, my favorite Olympic hero whom I glorified in that article, Oscar Pistorius, is now an alleged premeditating murderer.

I am devastated.

Devastated.

At times like this I have to ask myself: What would my lawyer-friend, David the Edge, do?

Would David the Edge fight to save Mr. Pistorius?

I don’t even know if my friend, David the Edge, is even a good lawyer; but, assuming he is a good lawyer, would he defend Oscar or throw him under the turnip truck?

David the Edge, tell me what to believe!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is what I think David the Edge would think, not necessarily what he does think.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I would have posted this convoluted retraction sooner, but David the Edge did not want to be trumped by this alleged murdering fiend so I had to post David the Great first.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

Advertisements

David the Great … and the Beautiful and Mighty Princess Warrior

Tags

David the Edge, Princess Toni, Rome, Trolls, turnips

Here comes the turnip truck!

Hello, Followers, I’ve missed you; but, I am back now and today I am going to tell you a story about a not-so-young man named David the Great … and a beautiful and mighty princess warrior named Princess Toni.

In this story David the Great will be played by one of the best actor I know: the not-so-young David the Edge (40 years old):

The above photo shows the not-so-young David the Edge (40 years old) with and without facial and body hair. I asked him to shave for this story. He said OK.

And, the beautiful and mighty Princess Toni will be played by the real-life Princess Toni (30 years old):

She is this pretty all the time.

DAVID THE GREAT …

AND THE BEAUTIFUL AND MIGHTY PRINCESS WARRIOR

Chapter 1

Once upon a very long time ago, there was a not-so-young man named David the Great who lived in Rome, Italy with other people.

David the Great was not so young, a little bit smart and very kind. So said almost all who knew him.

He was especially kind to fair maidens in distress.

Chapter 2

One day, a very long time ago, the not-so-young David the Great gathered with some friends on and around a random bench in the middle of Rome.

As his comrades sat around enjoying the lovely weather, the not-so-young David the Great began to contemplate some of life’s biggest questions:

Where can I have my nails nicely manicured?

What day is it?

Is an owl really all that smart?

He asked another not-so-young man named Ralph what he thought the answers to these questions were.

Ralph did not know.

Chapter 3

The next day a mean and ugly troll entered the city and tried to harm the not-so-young David the Great and the not-so-young David the Great was scared.

So were all the male peons and the women-folk.

Alas, the not-so-young David the Great and his comrades had nothing to fear, for hiding among the frightened women-folk was a beautiful and mighty princess warrior named Princess Toni.

Doesn’t she have the prettiest shoes?

The beautiful and mighty Princess Toni saved the weak men and the scared women-folk and drove off the ugly troll forever.

The not-so-young David the Great was very grateful to Princess Toni and swore to be her chambermaid forever.

The not-so-young David the Great’s comrades were also very grateful.

Together they danced for joy in the streets.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Please note that this story is based on the not-so-young David the Edge’s real life.

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

Happy Birthday to Me!

Tags

accurate portrayal, beetle bug, birthday, birthday sign, dr frankenstein, jeckyll hyde, long long time, turnip, turnip truck, turnips

Here comes the turnip truck!

That’s right, my dear Followers, today is my birthday!

In the above photograph I am at a birthday party, but not my own. It was Kerry B’s birthday party and the picture was taken a long, long time ago and it was not January, but September. So, not quite an accurate portrayal of the girl I am today, but who cares? I decided to use this picture because I looked better then than I do today and since it’s my birthday I can make all the wishes I want and one of my wishes is to look younger.

Did you know Oprah and I share the same birthday? That’s right! She was born on January 29th too – only she is a little older than I am.

I wonder what she did to celebrate. Did she buy herself a new Beetle Bug in which to tool around one of her many estates? Did she sleep in? Did she have a lemon flavored popsicle? Ope, if you are reading this little blog of mine, feel free to comment and let us know how you spent your day.

And here is something super crazy that happened to me this year – my Bestest NC: Kerry B and my Bestest MA: Margaret Jeckyll-Hyde each gave me a card with similar pictures on the front.

Kerry B's Birthday Card to Me

Margaret Jeckyll-Hyde's Birthday Card to Me

The minds of my bestestes are becoming psychically linked! This is so exciting! I feel like I had something to do with this phenomenon. I’m a regular Dr. Frankenstein!

I got an awesome birthday sign from Jack.

I also got some really wonderful gifts and cards and emails and texts and phone calls and such from my parents and in-laws and family and friends. However, of all the gifts I got this year, my favorite is the painting Jim did of me and Jack!

Jack B and Ant T

Isn’t it awesome!

There were many exciting and crazy things happening in the world the year I was born. Here is a list of a few of them (according to the birthday card my mom gave me):

• Richard Nixon was President of the United States of America
• Roe v. Wade legalizes abortion
• The war in Vietnam ended (Yeah!)
• Watergate hearings begin. Nixon declares, “I am not a crook!”
• English Leather Soap-On-A-Roap costs $2.00
• Median sales price of a single family home, $28,900.00
• The 110-story World Trade Center is completed in NYC
• McDonald’s introduces the Egg McMuffin
• The Rocky Horror Show was a big hit
• Billy Joel’s Piano Man and Elton John’s Yellow Brick Road are released
• Sonny and Cher are on TV
• Secretariat wins the Triple-Crown
• Willie Mays retires
• George Foreman KO’s Joe Frazier
• Neil Patrick Harris was born the same year

Can you guess what year I was born?

I’ll give you a hint: It was in the 1900s.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

While you think about it I’m going to finish my next blog article … Charo here I come!

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T