28 Sunday Aug 2016
Posted in Goblins and Ghouls
Tags
Bad Mistakes, celebrities, Liar, Olympic Fail, Swimming, Team USA, turnip
Here comes the turnip truck!
And then there was this …
The above is yet another example of what WAS born under the turnip truck.
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
17 Monday Dec 2012
Posted in De-Stressing
Tags
Anxiety, Baby Massage, Blood Pressure, Body Tissue, body tissues, control blood pressure, damaged muscles, De-Stress, Depression, Esthetician, Facial, health, Immune System, immune system function, Massage, Masseuse, mental-health, Muscles, Oasis Day Spa, Stress, turnip, turnip truck
Here comes the turnip truck!
Alas, we have reached our last chapter in the Breathe, Damn It series: Facials and Massages. Facials and massages are, in my opinion, the very best way to relax, detox and de-stress.
FACIALS
I think it is a proven fact that facials (are): 1. The best way to cleanse and hydrate your skin, 2. Awesome for increasing face circulation, 3. Have loads of emotional benefits, and 4. Help to prevent aging.
So, if your face is pruning up or flaky or blotchy or pimply or the like …
… you may want to consider a visit to your local spa. If you don’t have a local spa you can use mine:
Ask for Meagan
MASSAGES
Another possible proven fact is that massages: 1. Relieve stress, 2. Ease anxiety, 3. Manage depression, 4. Improve immune-system function, 5. Control blood pressure, 6. Calm or stimulate your muscles and body tissues, 7. Stimulate circulation, 8. Improve healing of damaged muscles, and 9. Stimulate your lymphatic system to clear wastes from your body and trigger your body’s release of endorphins and other stress-relieving hormones.
Awesome! Right?
The above information must be true because I found it on some website (I can’t remember which one) and websites are always right. Aren’t they?
So, if you are feeling achy or stressed out or knotted-up or backed-up or the like…
… you may want to consider a visit to your local spa. If you don’t have a local spa you can use mine:
Ask for Kathleen
I think I also read somewhere that massages can stimulate growth in infants! So – maybe – if shortness runs in your family and you have a child you will want to massage it into tallness!
Again, readers, please consult your doctor before giving your baby a massage – I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. You can’t believe everything you read and I read a lot, so the chances of me getting misinformation somewhere along the line are pretty great.
If I had things my way I would be visiting Meagan and Kathleen every single day for these services. (You were introduced to my favorite esthetician, Meagan Scott, in my article on beauty – Kathleen is my favorite masseuse).
Kathleen and Meagan:
Both Meagan and Kathleen work at Oasis Day Spa in Weymouth, Massachusetts and they are the best and I highly encourage you to visit them some day soon. Firm believers in equal opportunity beautifying, they invite men to try out their services too!
SOME OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO TO RELAX
There are plenty of other things you can do to relax if one of the suggestions I’ve made in this Breathe, Damn It series thus far doesn’t float your boat. I will only outline them briefly below because I don’t want to stress anyone out who feels that this article is already too long and who is anxious to move onto some other activity. If you are one of these angst-ridden people, then I have some advice for you: BREATHE, DAMN IT!
First, you can watch a candle burn. I suggest you burn one with a nice patchouli scent.
ACCIDENTAL FIRE WARNING:
Don’t leave your candle unattended – bad things happen when candles go unattended for more than a minute and a half.
If you burn a candle or two while taking a tubby, as pictured above, and an accidental fire occurs, you can save yourself by sprinkling those vicious, stress-inducing flames with some of that scented water you are sitting in!
Second, you can stare at a tree. I suggest you choose a tree with luscious green leaves. I also suggest you pick a sunny day, as sitting in the rain on a cold and dreary day looking at a tree like an idiot will only thrust you further into a negative state.
Third, you can listen to soothing music while you rest in a hammock … or read Under the Turnip Truck. If you choose the hammock option make sure you know how to ease yourself into the net without flipping over onto your face because flipping over onto your face will only irritate you further, thereby defeating the purpose of the exercise.
Finally, you can kick the life out of a piece of technology. However, I would not kick the life out of any technology with an “i” in front of it, as these products are all extremely overpriced and if you own one which you purchased yourself you are probably already angry that such an extravagant purchase has propelled you further into debt making you poorer than you were before you bought it and killing such a product will only piss you off more.
Soooo,
HAPPY DE-STRESSING!
Now…
BREATHE…
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
29 Monday Oct 2012
Posted in De-Stressing
Tags
50 Best Yoga Positions, Back Pain, Bikram, Breath, Breathe, Breathing, Dancer's Body, dangerous sport, De-Stress, degree room, Downward Dog, Exercise, health, healthy-living, Hot Yoga, Inner Peace, Kathy Smith, personal coach, Pilates, Pilates Reformer, Stress, turnip, turnip truck, Well-Being, Yoga, yoga position
Here comes the turnip truck!
YOGA
I used to think that yoga would be difficult for a person like me, as I am ridiculously NOT flexible; but, I was wrong. If you can breathe you can do yoga.
I love yoga, but lately I haven’t had a chance to practice it much. Heck, I can’t even find the time to write my blog articles, forget about downward dog! Anyway, not stretching has caused my muscles to shrivel up and I can barely even stand up straight anymore. This is the truth!
Jack loves to mock this little handicap of mine. Every chance he gets he assumes a yoga position, which he knows is very difficult, if not impossible, for me to practice and he laughs in my face.
Where’s the love, Jack? Where’s the love?
When I was yogaizing I was going to hot yoga and regular yoga and, like I said, I loved it – most of the time.
What I DIDN’T love was hoofing it to the gym each time I had to go to a class. I like working out in the comfort of my own home – so that is what I am going to start doing with yoga. I bought a few really great yoga DVDs to guide me through and this will make me feel like there are other people in the room with me and like I have a personal coach. Two stuffed birds, one stone. (It’s not nice to throw rocks at living things.)
I also DIDN’T much enjoy the hot yoga. Although I love the way the heat loosens up my muscles so quickly, I am likely to NOT choose the broiler oven option anymore because I sweat so profusely that I start slipping all over the mat and then I fall and then I hurt myself.
Yoga can be a very dangerous sport. If a person is not careful they can very easily knot themselves up and that hurts too. Comfortable pain is fine, but acute pain should never be a part of yoga.
In the future, I am sure I will have a day when I forget how much I do not like hot yoga and I will stupidly decide to practice it in a 100+ degree room – I will close all the windows and turn up the heat to broil – and at the end of that day I am sure I will ask myself: “What was I thinking?!”
In spite of the challenges to my body, I think that yoga really helps with stress-reduction. In fact, starting today I am going to try to do yoga every morning – or every 2nd morning – for the rest of my life. I recently bought a book that I found on the bargain bookshelf at Barnes & Noble to help me with my plan.
I was motivated the minute I began reading the introduction. Here are the first words I read:
“After their first yoga class, people often report that they’ve slept better and feel taller. Yoga has helped people lose weight, overcome fears, conquer habits like smoking and develop better concentration, all of which help their performance in daily tasks. Others feel improved self-awareness, a deeper sense of well-being, developed compassion, enhanced relationships, greater self-acceptance, and a sensation of being at peace.”
Good luck to me!
PILATES
Pilates is another sport that I love to do and which I do well! I’m really good at strengthening my powerhouse and using my core muscles. Pilates even incorporates a little yoga – it is just not as boring as yoga.
Alas, if only I had the time to practice!
I own several Pilates videos and my very own Pilates machine. I just love it!
I recommend a Pilates reforming machine to anyone who wants to have a flexible and toned body … like a dancer’s.
I have practiced Pilates on and off for years, but have yet to achieve a dancer’s body. However, I know all that is going to change soon because I am going to start practicing again and this time it’s going to work! This time I am going to combine the Pilates workouts with the “Think System” of thinking things into reality and I am going to reshape my body!
If you are patient with yourself and with the process it will happen. I really believe that. Just a little bit longer …
I think you will love having your very own Pilates machine too, but if you buy one and you hate it then it is your own stupid fault for not trying it out first.
I also love that you can play with balls and rings and straps and weights and such when you practice Pilates. That is always a fun time.
Pilates is definitely my favorite sport to play. Definitely.
Stay tuned for part 4 of the Breathe, Damn It series, which will focus on facials and massages.
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
15 Saturday Sep 2012
Posted in De-Stressing
Tags
Breathe, Breathing, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Ellen Degeneres, Food, health, Helen Mirren, Meditation, Nawang Khechog, Oprah Wintrey, Relaxation, Sleep, Tina Fey, turnip, Vision Boards
Here comes the turnip truck!
MEDITATION
Ahhhh… meditation. I love to meditate… even though I think I am doing it wrong.
In my opinion meditation is very difficult for a person like me. My mind is always racing with thoughts about everything. For example, during a twenty-minute meditation session when I’m seeking inner peace, world peace, physical healing or a past life, I either think of a slew of questions instead or I fall asleep from the exhaustion of thinking too much.
Falling asleep during meditation is VERY common – just ask this kid:
In the event that you wish to listen to some nice mediation music again while you read, click here to listen to more from Nawang Khechog.
Note: It takes a few seconds before the music begins.
TONI’S TYPICAL MEDITATION SESSION
Bell dings to open meditation session.
Breathe…
Concentrate on the breath and on the pretty bright yellow light embracing your whole body – inside and out. It is healing you.
Breathe…
Enjoy the wonderful garden that your soul is floating through right now. … Hey! Is that Oprah’s favorite, giant oak tree in my garden? Is that a sign that Oprah is coming?
No. That is just a regular old oak tree.
Breathe…
What should I eat for lunch right after this session? I think I will have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Breathe…
What should I make for dinner tonight? Pasta? Cabbage? Take-out?
I wonder what Jim wants for dinner tonight? Jim probably wants pizza. Jim always wants pizza. I think I will make cabbage lasagna.
On second thought, maybe we’ll just order a pizza or maybe we will go out for a pizza because I don’t really want to clean up all the pizza boxes and stuff.
Breathe…
Breathe…
Darn it! I just remembered I ran out of peanut butter yesterday. Now what do I do? I will just make myself an omelet for lunch because I had an English muffin for breakfast with a hardboiled egg and a ½ a papaya so that is at least two different styles of egg. …
No. That’s too much egg for you, T, because you have high cholesterol. High cholesterol runs in your family. Thanks family! I will have a veggie burger instead and be done with it.
Breathe…
God, I want a personal chef. I wish that Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen would hurry up and discover me so that they can offer me a job making decent enough money so that I can live comfortably and buy a personal chef.
Breathe…
Is wanting to work with/for Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen my dream or someone else’s dream? If it is someone else’s dream then fate suggests that it can’t be my dream and I have to have my own dream. Or did I read that part about dreams wrong?
I think I am incapable of dreaming because I can’t even decide what I want to be when I grow up. My life is almost 39.5% over and what do I have to show for it? Why isn’t meditation making me feel more enlightened right now and less pitiful?
Lordy, those men working on the house next door are so loud and they listen to crappy music.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I hate that music.
You are floating with your angel friend now – feel light and free.
Breathe…
Why aren’t I able to reshape my body even though I am eating right and working out and put a picture of the body I want on my vision board? I seem to be expanding instead of shrinking. That rots. I don’t want to buy new clothes in case I lose weight – that should make Jim financially happy since I can’t afford to be buying new clothes anyway. God, I want Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen to hurry up and discover me so that I can buy new clothes soon… I don’t want to be a senior citizen before I can afford to buy new clothes because … hmmmm… new thought: I hope I’m stylish like Helen Mirren when I am older…
Breathe…
What is my purpose in this lifetime supposed to be?
Breathe…
If I want to reshape my body into that of a perfect Goddess then I had better not eat pizza tonight …
Breathe…
I will order a Caesar salad with no anchovies or dressing.
Yum. Can’t wait …
Breathe…
How can I be of service to others? Deepak Chopra says that is the most important thing you can strive for in life … to be of service to others.
Dr. Dyer thinks so too…
Breathe…
I used to like Eckhart Tolle the best, but I think I like Deepak the best now… and Dr. Dyer… no Eckhart…
Breathe…
Does Tina Fey like Deepak? Oprah loves Deepak.
Am on the right career path?
BREATHE!!!!
God, can’t those workers next door SHUT UP!!!
Am I on a good career path or am I not, damn it!?
Am I on any path?
Am I too lazy?
Do I work too much?
Why can’t I just enjoy existing?
BREATHE!
Maybe reciting a poem will help me focus … Twas the night before Christmas …
Ugh!!! Stop! It’s the summer not winter. Dork.
Breathe…
God, I’m bored … Is it OK to be bored?
Are those workers smoking? Is that smoke I smell? My Lord!!! It’s 2012 – don’t they know smoking is bad for you??? It can kill. Kill. KILL!
Breathe…
I have friends who smoke. They know who they are. Please stop smoking, friends, I want you to live. I am sending loving, non-smoking thoughts to all my beautiful friends…
I wish I had been born with psychic powers. That would be so fun.
I wish I was born a Jedi Master. That would be better.
Am I missing signs that are meant to guide me through life? Probably.
Is that little voice in my head God talking to me or is it just me talking to myself and hoping that God is talking to me and if it is God talking to me then why can’t He be a little more specific with what he wants me to do with myself and my life?
BREATHE, DAMN IT!!!!
And, for the love of Pete, what on earth…
The bell dings and the meditation session is over.
See what I mean?
I’ve studied with all the great meditation teachers via books, periodicals, You Tube, DVDs and CDs and still I’m not that great at quieting my mind and letting it slip into the gap of enlightenment and personal fulfillment … but, I’m better than I used to be!
I just know that the more I meditate the better I am going to get. Maybe one day I will be so good at it that I can float my soul self over to Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen and whisper into their ear(s) that undertheturniptruck.wordpress.com is a great site to visit and they will visit it and then they will find me.
Ahhhh – the power of meditation!
Then again, someone (I can’t remember who) recently suggested that I just email each of them my blog site … now there is a thought. I will get right on it after I post this article!
In the event that you, my Followers, would like to learn to meditate, here is a link to some video lessons by the master, Deepak Chopra.
Note: You may have to hit the back button after watching the video clip in order to return to this page.
Video Clip: Deepak Chopra Meditation Technique
Stay tuned for part 3 of the Breathe, Damn It series, which will focus on yoga and Pilates.
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
27 Monday Aug 2012
Posted in De-Stressing
Tags
Acupressure, Acupressure Mats, Bed of Nails, Breathe, Calm, De-Stress, Facial, Healing, health, Massage, medicine, Meditation, Nawang Khechog, Peace, Pilates, Relax, Relaxation, Spoonk, Stress, Tea, turnip, Yoga
Here comes the turnip truck!
Followers, today starts my series on de-stressing called Breathe, Damn It.
Over the next few weeks I am going to give my opinions on how you can best de-stress your lives!
I will share with you some of the things that I do to bring peace to my often-stressful life. You will learn all about the fun of using an acupressure mat, the soothingness of meditation, the benefits of yoga and Pilates, and the joy of treating yourself to facials and massages.
So, let’s begin!
Maybe you want to run and grab yourself a cup of tea to sip on while you read – go ahead, I’ll wait.
Are you back yet?
Good.
There are many things you can do to destress, detox, and deflate. I will start this series by telling you about my least favorite.
In the event that you wish to listen to some nice mediation music while you read, click the You Tube link below. Nawang Khechog is one of my favorite musicians.
Jack loves to listen to Nawang while he sleeps.
Get Comfy.
Enjoy!
THE ACUPRESSURE MAT
This is my Spoonk acupressure mat:
This is my Bed of Nails acupressure pillow:
The makers of some acupressure mats recommend that customers use the product while naked in their own home (at least I hope they mean in one’s own home – how horrifying would it be for one stranger to see another stranger lying naked on an acupressure mat in the park or at the beach!). I personally cannot use this product without the aid of my clothing because doing so hurts like hell.
NOTE TO THE ACUPRESSURE MAT MAKERS: To the makers of all acupressure products – if I read the instructions wrong and you don’t recommend nakedness then that is your fault and not mine and you need to make the instructions clearer. Thank you and feel free to leave a comment and correct me if I am wrong.
As you can see from the picture below, the mats are lined with circular disks and each disk has a bunch of little sharp plastic nails sticking out of it.
Those nails are so sharp that the first time I tried the mat it poked a hole in my tank top. Now I only use that tank top when I lay on the mat.
One time when I was putting the mat away my hand grazed one of the disks and the little nails broke my skin open! So, should you try one of these mats yourself be very, very careful or you could maim yourself!
I have to say that I do enjoy lying on the mat if my skin isn’t in direct contact with any part of it. I don’t know if it is relieving any stress, but at least I get to take a quick catnap when I use it, which is quite nice … until I roll over. The doctors say the holes in my face should close up any day now.
I’m just kidding! I don’t have any holes in my face from the acupressure mat.
I love that I can use the pillow without any skin protection. My favorite time to use it is when I am watching TV – I like to kick my feet up and rest my neck against it at the end of the day.
Acupressure mats can be used to:
WARNING: It is important to remember to BREATHE as you relax on the mat. Breathing deeply always seems to dull the majority of the pain for me.
So, I urge you to try this mat yourself because there is a good chance you will just love it. My friend Manny (I’ve changed his name to protect his identity) LOVES his and he doesn’t even have to wear a protective covering!
GREAT SUGGESTION: If you clicked on the above You Tube link, as I originally suggested, you may want to let the melodious sounds of Nawang Khechog continue to play – I’m sure listening to his music while you work will relieve a lot of the tension and stress that will surely build throughout the day as you ponder your difficult, sometimes sad life.
And, please stay tuned for part 2 of the Breathe, Damn It series, which will focus on meditation.
Ommmmmmmmmmm
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
13 Monday Aug 2012
Posted in Tributes and Tiaras
Tags
Beauty and the Beast, Birthdays, Boston Bruins, Boston Red Sox, Broadway, Confirmation, Fenway Park, Food, Happy Birthday, Laughter, Rain Delay, sports, The Tomb, The Upper Crust Pizzeria, transportation, travel, turnip, turnip truck, wicked
Here comes the turnip truck!
So, as I’ve mentioned, Mikayla is one of my many godchildren (I have 3) – what I have not mentioned is that I try always to treat my godchildren like gold when I see them for birthdays and holidays and in general throughout the year.
Mikayla recently celebrated her 16th birthday (October 4, 2011) and so I thought I should get her a really fun gift. After hemming and hawing I decided to buy Mikayla a beautiful silver ring.
But then things changed.
I got busy and I kept forgetting to order the ring and then FALL faded into winter which faded into SPRING.
Mikayla, being Catholic, was confirmed in the spring (April 14, 2012) and seeing that I hadn’t even ordered the ring by that point, I thought it would make a nicer confirmation gift. This put me back at square one in the birthday gift department. And I was running out of time! I mean her 17th birthday was fast approaching and I still hadn’t made good on the 16th birthday gift yet!
What to do?
That is when I had a eureka moment!
I will do what I almost always do and take her someplace cool.
Over the years Jim and I have taken Mikayla on many adventures including:
Plays in New York:
Wicked
Beauty and the Beast
An Egyptian exhibit called The Tomb:
A tour of Fenway Park:
A Bruins game:
A Cirque du Soleil show called Dralion:
This time I decided to take Mikayla to a Red Sox game!
Yippie!
Jim and I decided to buy the extra cheap seats in the bleachers ($20 per ticket) so that Mikayla could bring a friend. Mikayla brought Anne.
Before I go on, I need to stop and insert a picture of Anne’s older sister Rita. Rita will have a cow if Anne is featured on the Turnip Truck before her, as she has been a faithful subscriber for eons and has yet to even get a mention. That said, this is Rita:
Note: this is not really the Rita I am talking about, but it is the picture that kept popping up when I tried to Google her. Sorry, Rita, but at least you got a mention. You can blame Scary Turnip (see the Explained page) and your sister for not forwarding me a picture of you as I asked them to do 100 times.
Back to the story of:
Mikayla’s Happy Birthday Adventure.
So, Mikayla brought Anne…
Jim and I bought the tickets for the Red Sox game the week before we intended to go so that we I could have a good idea of what the weather would be like. You can never be too careful when your view of the game is from the cheap seats.
Jim decided that Tuesday, July 31st would be the perfect night to go, but I was apprehensive because the weather app on my stupid iPhone had a picture of a cloud and lightning bolts.
Jim said it would be fine.
He was wrong.
Again.
The evening started off lovely enough. On our way to the ballpark, we stopped and had a slice of pizza at The Upper Crust Pizzeria because Jim and Anne were hungry.
Note: Each of us had a slice of our own. We didn’t share one slice. That would be weird because we barely know Anne.
We then moved on to Fenway Park. When we got there it was just like a carnival outside.
There were souvenir shops.
There were boys hawking programs for exorbitant amounts of money.
There were bands.
There were clowns.
There were rides.
There was food.
Jim couldn’t decide what to eat first!
We finally made it to our seats and we were so happy because it was a warm night and it looked like the rain was going to hold off.
Alas, we should have known it was too good to be true for within a matter of minutes the rain came.
And, oh how it rained!!!
By the end of the 4th inning the bleachers were really clearing out!
We stayed.
We got soaked.
The Sox ended up calling a rain delay in the 6th inning and eventually they just called the game.
The Red Sox won.
We ran back to our car, which Jim parked about 50+ blocks away so he could park for free.
We stopped under every awning and tree we came to so that we could wring ourselves out.
Before we left the house I told the girls to bring a raincoat.
Anne didn’t listen. She brought a skimpy little sweatshirt instead.
Silly girl.
When we finally made it to the car, we tumbled into it laughing hysterically.
This night could have turned into a horrible situation fraught with teenage angst, but it didn’t. Except for the occasional apology from me (I felt horrible that Mikayla’s Happy Birthday Adventure was turning out to be anything but perfect.), there was not a moan or groan to be heard from anyone. The girls took it all in stride and just kept smiling through the unrelenting downpour. Nobody complained about frizzy hair or ruined make-up – not even Jim! We just kept laughing at the craziness of the evening.
I really need to give props to Mikayla (and her little friend too). Even though she is getting older she doesn’t mind hanging out with the older folks me. She never seems embarrassed to be seen with us me.
This is Mikayla and me at her Confirmation:
If Mikayla is embarrassed by our my presence, one would never know it; which makes her a good actor, which then makes me a brilliant director since I taught her everything she knows about the craft. Either way it’s pretty cool and I am grateful.
I hope when Jack is her age he still loves hanging out with me too.
I am thinking about bringing Mikayla to the zoo for her 17th birthday.
I hope she loves it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKAYLA!
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
27 Friday Jul 2012
Tags
adventure, B Boys, Boats, Boston, Break Dancing, Carousel, Chef, Clowns, Cost-Effective Trips, Dancers, Day Trips, Eric Hammer, Faneuil Hall Market Place, Fish & Chips, Food, Gazpacho, Get-A-Ways, Habor Express, harbor express, Italian Ice, Lobster, Maine, Mansions, McCormick and Schmick’s, New York, Newport, newport mansions, restaurants, Salad, Shopping, Sightseeing, Slush, Soup, Street Performers, Swan Boats, Todd Sullivan, travel, Trip, turnip, turnip truck, vacation
Here comes the turnip truck!
If you are like me and you don’t really enjoy taking long trips anywhere, then day trips – or weekend get-a-way trips – are for you!
In most cases you don’t have to go far or spend a lot of money to have a good time.
Some of my favorite short trips include:
The Newport Mansions
New York City
Maine
Boston
Recently, Jim and I took a wonderful day trip into Boston, which I will highlight for you now. We decided to go to Boston’s Faneuil Hall Market Place because it is a very happening place that’s close to home and because I wanted to go shopping at some of the stores that are there.
First, we decided that it would be cheaper most fun to take a boat ride into Boston.
A ride on the Harbor Express will cost about $16 per round-trip ticket if you leave from Quincy, Ma like we did.
I love boats. I wish I owned a boat, but I don’t have any money. If Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen would just hurry up and discover me, then maybe I will be able to afford a boat.
GIRLS, I’M WAITING!
Buying a boat is expensive.
After docking in Boston, we headed over to Faneuil Hall to have lunch. Jim got to pick the restaurant and luckily he picked McCormick and Schmick’s.
Isn’t that such a funny name? Schmick.
Eating at McCormick and Schmick’s will cost you some money, but you won’t go broke and the food is awesome.
If you are looking for cheap eats then head inside the marketplace where you will find a variety of foods to choose from.
WARNING: the smorgasbord of choices inside the Marketplace is not nearly as good as McCormick and Schmick’s food selection and it is annoyingly crowded in there and some of the food at some of the places looks like it has sat out for some time; but the choice is up to you.
I’ve been to McCormick and Schmick’s twice this summer. I had a good meal and a nice server the first time, but I had a mouth-watering meal and stupendous server the second time!
My first visit was on Jack’s 1st birthday, which was a few days before my trip in with Jim.
Happy Birthday, Jack!
What a little man!
During my second visit, Jim and I each ordered a bowl of the Sandia Gazpacho (chilled soup) for an appetizer. This gazpacho has a watermelon base. According to our server, Todd Sullivan, Sandia means watermelon. I believe Todd Sullivan is correct because he looks honest and because he is the best server of all time. I suggest that when you all go and eat at McCormick and Schmick’s in Faneuil Hall, as I know you will because I’m subconsciously using The Force on all of you now, you ask for Todd Sullivan. He really is the bestest. You’ll see.
This is Todd Sullivan:
Sorry, ladies, I do not know if Todd Sullivan is free.
DISCLAIMER: One would naturally assume that McCormick and Schmick’s is paying me for all this free publicity they are getting and/or for the amount of times I mention their name in this article, but they are not. I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart so that my readership will learn about new and exciting opportunities. You are all welcome.
Back to the food … if I’m being honest then I’m telling you that Jim and I didn’t expect the gazpacho to be so incredible. I mean it is just chilled soup (topped with huge chunks of avocado and real crabmeat). Sadly, we wolfed it all down before I thought to take a picture of it.
For his main dish, Jim ordered the tasty fish and chips, which I recommended after having ordered it during my first trip to the establishment.
I ordered a lovely lobster salad. My Lord, it was so delectable!
Next, we shared a delicious key lime pie for dessert.
Chef Eric Hammer was responsible for all this scrumptiousness. I figured he was so busy cooking up a storm in the kitchen that I didn’t want to disturb him for a photo, so I decided to include a symbol for him instead.
Here is Chef Eric Hammer’s symbol:
Jim really loved taking in all the sights throughout the day.
Sightseeing is free.
After lunch, I decided to do a little shopping and Jim came along and pretended to enjoy it. That’s my Gnomeo!
Shopping will cost someone a few dollars depending on the shopper and his/her inclination to buy everything in sight.
We also got to see a plethora of talented and/or weird street performers!
We saw clowns:
Clowns are technically free, but they ask for money.
We saw singers:
Singers are also technically free, but ask for money.
But our favorite street performance was the group of B BOYS we saw. We gave them all our extra money … that amounted to about $8 in total.
They were awesomely fun.
Imagine cool thumping music in your head as you look at the next few images.
If you are not one of those cheapo people who pretend they don’t even have a dollar bill on them, then this activity will cost you anywhere from $ 1 to ? – It depends on how generous you are.
For more information on this wonderful group of dancers you can visit www.yakcrewent.com or go and find them in Faneuil Hall.
There are even a couple of carousels for you to enjoy on your Boston adventure.
Jack, RiRi and Ally took a spin on the carousel across from Faneuil Hall for Jack’s birthday.
The carousel is about $3 per person to ride.
To finish out the afternoon, you can grab a slushy and enjoy it on the boat ride back while you ponder your very delightful day!
Expect to pay about $3.50 per slushy.
Wherever you decide to go, I wish you loads of fun, plenty of memories and safe travels!
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
06 Friday Jul 2012
Posted in Moving On...
Tags
Anniversary, Backpack, Bad Boy, Candy, Card, Ceramics, Chocolates, Christmas, Cookies, Divorce, Flowers, Fruit, Gifts, Gloves, Gnomes, Hat, Home Depot, Husband, Obligation, people, Pottery, Presents, Scarf, Shirts, Truck, turnip, turnip truck, Vices, Virtues, Wedded-Bliss, Wedding, White Christmas, Wife, Wives, Wood, Wood Filler, Wool
Here comes the turnip truck!
Followers, today you are very fortunate because I am going to tell you a VERY LONG story about an overly romantic man and his ever-loving wife.
Please know that names have been changed or not mentioned to protect the reputations of the story’s real-life characters.
The Story…
GNOMEO AND HIS EVER-LOVING WIFE
Once upon a time a woman gave birth to one of the nicest boys that ever lived. This boy was so nice that he was loathed by a lot of people. People found it hard to be in the presence of this little boy because all they saw when they looked at him were their own shortcomings and inadequacies.
The little boy eventually grew into a big boy and as he grew so did all his irritating virtues. Among other things, he was always overly generous, annoyingly patient, super kind, ridiculously romantic, and ultra compassionate. These virtues were a curse for the boy because they completely overshadowed and, in fact, squashed out all the attractive vices women love so much.
Throughout history many good girls have been attracted to the cool looking bad biker dudes … like the fella below.
At least that was the case until one day when the afore-mentioned big boy met a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent and talented girl who agreed to be his ever-loving wife.
They were married on December 27, 2003
Both the boy and his ever-loving wife were hopeful and optimistic at the start of their marriage.
Both were sure that wedded life would be bliss.
Unfortunately, year after year on their anniversary, the boy ended up making his ever-loving wife feel very inadequate. In fact, sometimes these feelings of inadequacy lead the wife to angrily do or say things she later truly regretted.
Ouch!
Yikes!
Each year the boy carefully researched the traditional gift that was most appropriate for that particular anniversary.
AN EXAMPLE TIMELINE
December 27, 2004
Being married for 1 year is represented by a gift of paper.
On December 27, 2004, the boy gave his ever-loving wife a card (and flowers).
The ever-loving wife gave him a card too.
The two were off to a good start!
December 27, 2005
Being married for 2 years is represented by a gift of cotton.
On December 27, 2005, the boy gave his ever-loving wife Wicked (the musical) t-shirts (1 short-sleeved and 1 long-sleeved). He also took his wife to the stage musical, White Christmas.
Because she felt bad for not giving him a gift, the boy’s ever-loving wife angrily purchased him an expensive White Christmas t-shirt after the show and threw it at him.
The boy was sad.
The ever-loving wife was embarrassed.
December 27, 2006
Being married for 3 years is represented by a gift of leather.
On December 27, 2006, the boy gave his ever-loving wife, a graduate student at the time, a leather backpack, which he had handmade on some ranch Oklahoma.
The boy’s ever-loving wife gave him nothing.
The boy was delighted with his creativity in thinking up the perfect gift for the occasion.
The ever-loving wife was pissed.
December 27, 2007
Being married for 4 years is represented by a gift of fruit and flowers.
On December 27, 2007, the boy gave his ever-loving wife a card and flowers. No fruit.
The boy’s ever-loving wife went to their refrigerator, took out an orange and threw it at him!
The boy laughed and laughed because he thought his ever-loving wife was having fun with him.
She wasn’t.
December 27, 2008
Being married for 5 years is represented by a gift of wood.
On December 27, 2008, the boy was too afraid to buy his ever-loving wife anything for fear that it would lead to divorce.
The boy’s ever-loving wife gave him a tube of wood filler (so he could fill in the holes he drilled all over her stage floor at work) …
… and a Home Depot gift card (so he could buy wood to build things for her).
The boy was so happy to see his ever-loving wife walk tall, feeling smart and superior to everyone around her.
He lost and she won and all was well again.
December 27, 2009
Being married for 6 years is represented by a gift of candy.
On December 27, 2009, the boy gave his ever-loving wife an extra-large, extra-fattening box of chocolates.
The ever-loving wife gave him nothing but a kick in the butt for making her feel fatter than she already felt.
December 27, 2010
Being married for 7 years is represented by a gift of copper and wool.
On December 27, 2010, the boy gave his ever-loving wife a lovely woolen scarf, hat and glove set.
The ever-loving wife gave him nothing and eventually lost the damn hat in a snowstorm.
December 27, 2011
Being married for 8 years is represented by a gift of pottery.
On December 27, 2011, the boy begged his ever-loving wife to take a pottery class with him so that they could give each other a piece of pottery.
The ever-loving wife grudgingly, and against her better judgment, agreed.
THE DELAY
The boy and his ever-loving wife were both very busy with work and extra-curricular activities in the months following their 8th anniversary. As the months flew by, the boy’s ever-loving wife was hoping that he would forget about this silly pottery idea.
He didn’t.
The boy was so excited when an opening appeared on their over-scheduled calendars, that he scheduled a time for himself and his ever-loving wife to go and potterize.
Seeing the boy so happy made his wife realize that she needed to stop being such a Debbie Downer and just have fun.
THE POTTERY CLASS
The boy’s ever-loving wife hated all kinds of arts and crafts – including ceramics. You can imagine her disappointment when the boy unwittingly chose a ceramics joint instead of a pottery class for them to celebrate their 8th anniversary (the ever-loving wife insists there is a difference between the two).
The poor ever-loving wife had actually started getting excited about shaping a big lump of clay into a vase or a bowl or something; instead, she was going to have to pick an unfinished and unoriginal ceramic mold off a cluttered shelf and paint it.
She wouldn’t even get to glaze her project herself, as the shop does that part and customers get to pick up their finished products a week later.
Oh well.
THE CERAMICS SESSION
Upon stepping inside the ceramics shop the boy’s unsuspecting, ever-loving wife was completely horrified by the sight before her!
GIRL SCOUTS!
Lots of screaming, cackling, energetic, crazy girl scouts!
There, spread across 75% of the small noise-inducing space was a troupe of insane, insufferable girl scouts and their equally disruptive chaperones.
The ever-loving wife should have run right then and there, but because she had a big, ever-loving heart and didn’t want to disappoint the boy, she stayed.
As they looked through all the unfinished molds of cats, bowls, mugs and plates, they stumbled across some garden gnomes. Because the ever-loving wife has a thing for garden gnomes they decided to buy two (at $20+ a piece) and paint those.
As the boy and his ever-loving wife filled the little plastic paint pallets the girl scouts whirled around them making so much noise that the ever-loving wife could feel her blood pressure rising and in that moment she really, really hated the boy for putting his desires before her own.
While they were painting the damn gnomes, the little monsters around them screamed louder and ran around the place squealing like pigs in mud. Their chaperones were worse.
Hiding behind his gnome, the boy finally admitted to his unsuspecting and ever-loving wife that when he called to confirm their ceramics time earlier that day, he was informed that there would be a group of girl scouts there.
The boy thought it best not to tell his ever-loving wife because he was sure she wouldn’t go if she knew. For once in his life, the boy was right!
The Lord carried His cross first and the boy’s ever-loving wife carried one that night.
Three hours later, the ever-loving wife’s head was pounding from all the noise, her face hurt from clenching her teeth so tightly, and her arms and shoulder blades ached from all the painting. All she wanted was a big bottle of Ibuprofen.
Now, understand that the boy’s ever-loving wife doesn’t hate the girl scouts; she just doesn’t want to be around them when they are on field trips. She always says they sell awesome cookies!
From that day forth the ever-loving wife affectionately referred to her infuriatingly romantic husband as Gnomeo as a forever reminder of the Gnomes they painted that awful wonderful night.
And, the evening did end on a good note, as the pair met their friends, M&M, for a late dinner and M1 brought her ever-loving friend that big bottle of Ibuprofen she so desperately needed.
THE ALMOST END
Stories like this one make me believe that life would be so much less stressful if we all just agreed to abolish this whole silly gift-giving tradition. And don’t all you self-righteous, hypocritical freaks act like you don’t think the same thing each time you wrap an obligatory present because you do and you know it!
Gnomeo and his ever-loving wife have only had eight anniversaries thus far… and probably won’t be having anymore if Gnomeo continues to outdo her in the gift department.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY
The moral of this story is:
For a healthy and happy marriage, all a man needs to do is remember NOT to outdo his ever-loving wife (wives if he is married to more than one wife) – EVER!
For that matter, men should never ever act like they are better than, smarter than, prettier than or righter than their ever-loving wives because they are not – EVER!
That is just the honest truth and you know I’m right.
AN AFTERWARD
Please know that the ever-loving wife truly appreciates her Gnomeo. She realizes that there are people out there who really are in tough marital situations and she has a message for all of you:
Fear not friends and general Turnip Truck followers who are or have ever been married to truly despicable spouses – one day when you are all happily divorced Toni will gleefully run her turnip truck over them all!
You’re welcome.
THE REAL END
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
29 Sunday Apr 2012
Posted in Holiday Greetings!
Tags
Bunny, Candles, Church, Easter, Easter Vigil, Eggs, Feast, Feet, Food, Good Friday, Holiday, Holy Thursday, Jesus, Lent, Mass, Movies, Peter Cottontail, Sacrifice, turnip
Here comes the turnip truck!
HELLO MY FOLLOWERS!
I’M BACK!!!
I’m so sorry for the extra long hiatus; but, you know how it goes: life overwhelms and some of us have spouses who refuse to let their other half be full-time bloggers because I don’t get paid any money to be a full-time blogger so I have to spend all my time and energy working at a bunch of time-consuming jobs so that I can bring home some bacon bits.
Such is my life.
HAPPY BELATED EASTER!
My biggest regret was not reaching out to you all and wishing you the happiest Easter and/or Passover holiday. Easter is my most favorite holiday of all – I love everything about it: the hard-boiled eggs, the bunnies, the bubbles, watching people fall into food comas, the pastel colors, the flowers, the egg hunt, all the Jesus and Moses movies and going to church.
Going to church is my most favorite part of the Eater holiday.
I go to church on Holy Thursday (but I don’t get my feet washed because I was emotionally scarred freshman year of high school when Sister Regina – who was a lovely women except for this one incident – coerced me into getting my feet washed at the Holy Thursday Mass and I had nylons on and seeing as I couldn’t exactly take them off in the middle of church the priest washed the nylons too and so I had to sit through the rest of Mass and then walk home feeling like a wet rag).
I am wondering if Dusty had his feet washed…
I go to church twice on Good Friday, first at 3pm for the Stations of the Cross (it always kills me when Jesus falls the second time and Simon from Cyrene helps Him carry His cross) and next at 7pm for the Veneration of the Cross (I don’t actually kiss the cross like the rest of the congregation does – germs and all that – but I do a nice genuflection to show my respect and gratitude for Jesus and His sacrifice).
I go to church for the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday (because I love to hold the cheap congregational candles in the dark of the church at the beginning of Mass and curse as the hot wax melts and slips through the flimsy cardboard protection cover and all over my hand).
I go to church on Easter morning (because I love to see how many holiday bandwagon people come to celebrate Christ’s resurrection).
Even Christ can’t believe how many fair-weather friends he has on Easter and Christmas.
He would like to know where the heck you people are the other 50 Sundays of the year.
THE EASTER MOVIE-MENT
Each year, as Easter approaches, I watch every single Easter movie I own.
After reviewing my Easter movie collection, Jim decided it was too minusucle and needed to be beefed up and so he went out and bought me more! Before Easter I only owned King of Kings, The Ten Commandments, Jesus, and The Passion of the Christ. After Easter I added the following movies to my Holy stockpile: The Robe, The Greatest Story Ever Told and Jesus of Nazareth.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY… AND BIRTHDAY…
This year Easter was extra special because the family celebrated my parents 40th anniversary.
This is a picture of my parents:
Easter also happened to be my Auntie Donna’s 60th birthday.
This is Auntie Donna:
A LENTEN SACRIFICE
Another noteworthy tidbit: I gave up cussing for Lent. For 40 days and 40 nights I promised God I would not swear. Cussing has become a real problem for me, which is weird because I used to hate hearing cuss words. I still hate hearing other people cuss. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point, as I walked along my virtuous path, a gremlin snuck into my brain and took it over. My word of choice starts with an S and ends with a T.
My mom, RiRi Poppins (pronounced Ree-Ree Poppins), told me to put $1 in my rice bowl every time I swore during Lent and I was doing that until I couldn’t afford to do it anymore.
I was slowly going bankrupt in my effort to sacrifice and do good, so I had to change my rice bowl donation to a penny per cuss word. In the end I ended up donating over $30.00 to the poor.
That money is going to feed a lot of hungry children.
At least something good came out of my failure!
THE EASTER FEAST
I wish that I could feed all the hungry people in the world a hard-boiled egg at Easter time. I love Easter food – especially those hard-boiled eggs!
My mom takes 3 days off from work just to cook and bake.
One of her specialty dishes is the Easter cookie, featuring the hard-boiled egg.
Yeah food!!!
There was so much food that Jim and I kept going to RiRi’s house for leftovers on the days that followed. It was awful because I couldn’t stop myself from stuffing everything and anything into my mouth – even after I was beyond stuffed. I just kept inhaling it … and paying the price later. My poor intestines.
Every dinner we ate that week followed the same pattern I established on Easter day:
First, I ate a few pieces of my mom’s other specialty, pita or pizza gania (RiRi doesn’t really know how to spell this dish, so I’m giving you what I got), which is essentially a pie containing hard-boiled eggs, cheese and meats like ham, sausage, etc.
Mmm Mmm Good!
Next, I devoured some manicotties and chicken masala.
Then, I inhaled some ham and veggies and more starch.
Finally, I moved on to the Easter cookies, cakes, Italian pastries and Ricotta pies.
When I was all done Jim rolled me out the door and brought me home.
Since then, my insides have been hating me… Despising me… Torturing me for weeks because I abused it so. They’ve made me promise to never treat them so cruelly again. Thus, I am becoming a fish-a-tarian (again). I tried this a few years ago and it was great except that I gained 30-something pounds. I will try to be smarter this time around – maybe eat more tofu and less pasta. Maybe I will even work-out.
A GOOD DAY!
A good time was had by one and all on Easter.
Following are some snapshots of people enjoying the day.
Jack opening an Easter basket from Ant T and Uncle Jim:
Jack’s dad enjoying his favorite Easter food:
Mikayla and Me:
Nancy, Jack B and Ant T:
Laura and Baby G:
Grandpa Ernie and Jackson B:
Turnip Salad:
My brother Steve leading the Easter egg hunt:
Uncle Jim takes Jack on his first Easter egg hunt:
Jack’s First Egg:
Jack shows off his first egg:
Auntie Donna, Uncle Frank and Jack:
Anthony and Mari stopped by for a visit:
Jack, Grandma RiRi and Grandpa Pat:
Scary Spice Turnip and her Mother – Mama Turnip:
Well, almost everyone had fun:
Jack tries to get away from Cat Turnip:
Cat Turnip’s little sister, Alexandra Turnip:
Clearly the day was all about Jack!
SSSHHH
Next are snapshots of people on Easter night.
Uncle Frank fell asleep at the table around 9:00 PM:
Jim fell asleep in the basement:
At 10:00 PM Uncle Frank was still napping:
Sean and Jack fell asleep in the easy chair:
The Turnip Salad eventually passed out on the couch:
Don’t let the drool drop, Ally:
Uncle Frank was still sleeping at midnight:
HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
09 Thursday Feb 2012
Posted in Celebrities
Tags
40, adventure, Bricker, castanets, Charo, cry babies, crying baby, divine inspiration, follower, Gopher, gutter, Isaac, Julie McCoy, little babies, Love Boat, MBB, memory lane, Stubing, to give props, travel, turnip, turnip truck, woman in my life
Here comes the turnip truck!
Hello Followers – new and old!
Yes, folks, the turnip truck has a new passenger! And she is a complete stranger to me. Never met the woman in my life, but she subscribed to my lil’ ole blog anyway. She apparently heard about us through a short little grapevine and from someone who is not even an official subscriber herself. Imagine!
Her name is Erin from Massachusetts.
This is Erin from Massachusetts
Not only is Erin from Massachusetts my very first Stranger-Subscriber, she was the 40th person to sign up for the ride. That makes her extra special. Welcome aboard, Erin from Massachusetts. Most of us are glad you decided to take the trip.
What is your prize, Erin?
It’s a trip down memory lane!
First, I should warn you, Erin from Massachusetts, that most of my followers hate your guts now. Many of them have confronted me and demanded to know when they will be featured in an Under the Turnip Truck article. I told them they will be featured when and if I deem them worthy. I have not done this yet and because I have not done this yet people are crying like little babies.
In addition to Erin from Massachusetts, I also had another stranger “like” my last post! And I don’t even know anyone who knows her! She doesn’t even live near me – she lives in another state. I learned that she also writes a blog, so I decided to creep on her WordPress site and discovered that she is a real writer – talented. I was a little intimidated at first, but decided that she is adding some esteem to my blog just by riding on the turnip truck one time! So, go and visit her site – those of you who like to travel and experience new adventures will love her work.
http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com/
In writing about these recent stranger-followers, I realize I’ve been remiss in acknowledging my very first subscriber-follower. I want to take a moment now to give props to my friend, MBB. MBB was the first person to subscribe to Under the Turnip Truck. MBB even has sleeping dreams of me becoming a famous person. In her dreams she sees me becoming an award-winning author when I grow up. I think she is right. MBB is very connected with our Lord and I believe that if she dreamed of me being famous then our Lord must have told her it will be so.
Who am I to question this divine inspiration?
MBB and I have always gotten along like peanut butter & jelly. We have so much in common. She is Holy and I strive to be Holy. She has an amazing singing voice and I make pretend I have an amazing singing voice. And she is besties with Charo – one of my most favorite entertainers in the world – and I would love to add Charo to my besties list.
Margaret Hyde is getting her car ready now; but, don’t worry, Charo, she will never find you.
MBB met Charo during a benefit concert at which they were both featured performers. Following is a publicity poster from that show.
Proceeds from this concert went toward the preservation of a musical instrument called castanets. MBB and Charo fear that castanets will one day become extinct if they don’t do something about it now. So, help these girls out – go out and buy a pair of castanets! They are fun to clank around and a great stress-reliever … for the person clanking them.
All this talk of Charo, strangers and the adventure-seeking traveler Lesley Carter at http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com/ reminds me of a dream I had as a young girl, a dream which fell into the gutter when I was trying to “find myself”, but found Jim instead. Once upon a time, I wanted to be just like Julie McCoy! Julie McCoy was the best cruise director that ever sailed the open seas.
Do you all remember Julie?
And Gopher? And Isaac? And Doc Bricker? And Captain Stubing?
They were awesome.
Don’t they look sharp?
I applied to every existing cruise line twice and was ignored by all of them each time. That’s when I met Jim, forgot I was looking for myself and consequently that dream rolled into the gutter.
Que Sera Sera, I guess.
For those of you who are too young or too forgetful to remember, Julie McCoy, Gopher, Isaac, Doc Bricker and Captain Stubing staffed the fictional Princess Cruise Ship called The Love Boat. The Love Boat wasn’t the ship’s real name, but as they never used the real name on the show everyone just assumed it was called The Love Boat.
Can you guess who my favorite Love Boat guest star was?
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CHARO!
Yes, my favorite guest star was by far Charo! Charo played a saucy Spanish entertainer named April Lopez. According to Wikipedia, she made 8 appearances on The Love Boat.
Here is Charo singing The Love Boat theme song – Charo style! I think she stole some of those dance moves at the end of the song from me. Seriously.
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
29 Sunday Jan 2012
Posted in Tributes and Tiaras
Tags
accurate portrayal, beetle bug, birthday, birthday sign, dr frankenstein, jeckyll hyde, long long time, turnip, turnip truck, turnips
Here comes the turnip truck!
That’s right, my dear Followers, today is my birthday!
In the above photograph I am at a birthday party, but not my own. It was Kerry B’s birthday party and the picture was taken a long, long time ago and it was not January, but September. So, not quite an accurate portrayal of the girl I am today, but who cares? I decided to use this picture because I looked better then than I do today and since it’s my birthday I can make all the wishes I want and one of my wishes is to look younger.
Did you know Oprah and I share the same birthday? That’s right! She was born on January 29th too – only she is a little older than I am.
I wonder what she did to celebrate. Did she buy herself a new Beetle Bug in which to tool around one of her many estates? Did she sleep in? Did she have a lemon flavored popsicle? Ope, if you are reading this little blog of mine, feel free to comment and let us know how you spent your day.
And here is something super crazy that happened to me this year – my Bestest NC: Kerry B and my Bestest MA: Margaret Jeckyll-Hyde each gave me a card with similar pictures on the front.
Kerry B's Birthday Card to Me
Margaret Jeckyll-Hyde's Birthday Card to Me
The minds of my bestestes are becoming psychically linked! This is so exciting! I feel like I had something to do with this phenomenon. I’m a regular Dr. Frankenstein!
I got an awesome birthday sign from Jack.
I also got some really wonderful gifts and cards and emails and texts and phone calls and such from my parents and in-laws and family and friends. However, of all the gifts I got this year, my favorite is the painting Jim did of me and Jack!
Jack B and Ant T
Isn’t it awesome!
There were many exciting and crazy things happening in the world the year I was born. Here is a list of a few of them (according to the birthday card my mom gave me):
Can you guess what year I was born?
I’ll give you a hint: It was in the 1900s.
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While you think about it I’m going to finish my next blog article … Charo here I come!
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
31 Wednesday Aug 2011
Tags
30 Rock, chicago, freaks, muppets, Oprah Winfrey, sesame street, Snuffleupagus, Tina Fey, turnip, turnip truck, wicked
Here comes the turnip truck!
For all those interested, I’ve made some updates to the EXPLAINED page. There are now examples which show what may have fallen off a turnip truck and what was born underneath it.
Readers, are these posts too frequent? I feel like I’m running out of things to say already. Which is funny because this blog is about nothing and there is always a lot of nothing to talk about in general, but when you are looking for nothing in particular to talk about for a blog the well is as dry as a week old turkey bone. Please forgive me if every post isn’t witty and fun… the best may well be behind me now. I can promise that I will continue to post silly and/or unflattering photos of people in future posts (see the EXPLAINED page for examples) because that makes me laugh. So, that is something to look forward to! Isn’t it?
Well, believe it or not, Oprah (who, by the way, is my absolute hero) and I have something very important in common – our birthdays are on the same day: January 29th! (Did you get that? January 29th. I am reiterating my birthday date if you want to note it on your calendar and send me birthday messages when the time comes. To me, not Oprah. She has plenty of people wishing her Happy Birthday.)
In any case, I was so excited when I found out about this birthday-thing. I always have this recurring dream that Oprah will pass me on the street some day, somewhere and just look at me and know that I would be the perfect host of her children’s TV show on her OWN network. This is absurd for many reasons the first of which is that her network targets folks in the 18-85 age group and not children. But I hope to change that one day. And maybe she will only have to look at me and know that I’m the perfect one to lead the team in developing quality TV for children. Actually, I don’t want to “lead” anything – I just want to host a children’s TV show. Seriously, I just want to walk on to a TV set where the people dressed in black and holding cameras are actually filming me (get your mind out of the gutter people) and I’m not taking a tour. I will be cute and sassy (and middle-aged, which is approaching rapidly … see the Frightened By My Lot In Life Me photograph on the ABOUT page), have fun and leave.
Actually, one of my goals in life is to be on Sesame Street, but as a real person and not a puppet voice.
The Muppets and Me
If Oprah doesn’t want me for a show on her OWN network, maybe Tina Fey will want me for her show: 30 Rock. Actually, if she doesn’t work me too hard I can slip away from 30 Rock now and then and make an appearance on Sesame Street and scoot back to 30 Rock. They both film in New York City. I’ve always wanted to live in New York City.
Roxie and Me in NYC - We are not in Chicago.
Elphie and Me in NYC
The Freaks and Me in NYC
Right now I’m still trying to find out where Ope spends her days so that I can nonchalantly walk past her. Hopefully she is not hiding out on one of her many estates when our paths cross because that would be awkward. I love you to bits Oprah and I know in my heart that one day our friendship (or workship) will be as real as Mr. Snuffleupagus.
Until next time…
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
29 Monday Aug 2011
Here comes the turnip truck!
OK. I decided to blog for several reasons two of which are: 1) because everyone else is doing it, and 2) because this may be the perfect way to get the attention of Oprah Winfrey and/or Tina Fey. Do you hear me Oprah and Tina? I am desperately reaching out to you! (Please see the lovely photo of us from my first post.)
So, I feel that I should warn you about a few things before you read any further. If you are a reader who is looking for well-written, thought-out, deep articles on important topics (or things you think are important), this is not the blog for you. Stop reading now. This blog is about as deep as the sewn up pockets on a fancy pair of trouser pants. If, however, you have the hankerin’ for an odd sort of stream of consciousness writing that focuses on nothing and everything and sometimes something specific and always on Oprah and Tina all at the same time, then this is the perfect blog for you.
I ask that anyone who has a nasty comment to share – please do keep it to yourself. I don’t want anyone spreading his or her negativity into my Universe. There is too much hate and badness going around and I’m trying to avoid all of it. Plus, I have students who may stumble across this blog (because I sent them the link and begged them to read it) and I don’t want them exposed to such crap – regardless of what they are experiencing in the real word. Anyone stepping into my world for a few minutes will be stepping into a different sort of bubble and it’s a very nice bubble full of fun and magic – a happy bubble.
I feel like I should comment on yesterday’s “tropical storm”, but I don’t really have anything to say about it. I didn’t turn on the news. I didn’t read about it on the Internet. A witch only pedaled past my office window once. So, for me nothing unusual happened. I will say this, it was very funny (because nobody was hurt) how many texts I got throughout the day from family and friends describing fallen trees in their back or front yards. And isn’t it weird how every time a tree falls in a front (or side) yard, it always seems to find a power line or two on its way down? The fallen back yard trees always end up in, or crushing, a family pool or wanna-be garden. It was also strange how the severity of the storm differed from town to town.
For example, here is how some folks spent the day in parts of Weymouth, MA:
Irena Poppins Enjoys the Summer's First Tropical Storm
And here is what was going on just one town over:
Man Forced to Swim Home During Irene
(The above images are real photographs and have not been doctored in any way.)
Truly, I hope that you all survived the weekend unscathed and are enjoying this gorgeous day.
That is all I have to say for now. For those of you (Nancy) who could only find one page of this blog on your first perusal of the site, please know that there are currently three (3) pages: the Home Page, which you can get to by clicking on the title, Under the Turnip Truck, at the top of the page, the About Page, where you will see the cutest photo of my new little nephew, Jackson…. and his gigantic flip-flops, and the Under the Turnip Truck Explained page, which will … explain … why I chose this name. More pages may or may not be added later. Please go and read them because it will make me feel better about myself. I can tell from the “stats” section of the blog data base who isn’t going to view those pages. So GO. Please.
I wish I could think of a cool sign-off, but I can’t. And if you offer me one and I take it, know now that I’m not giving you any credit for it. Like the powers-that-be at SNL and like Shakespeare, I will just steal it from you and call it a day. Actually Shakespeare only “borrowed” from other writers and he always made it better in the end, so that made the stealing borrowing okay. Don’t you think?
So, until that cool sign-off comes along …
I’m turning off the turnip truck.
T
