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Under the Turnip Truck

Tag Archives: Oprah Winfrey

Being Beautiful

25 Friday May 2012

Posted by Toni Ruscio in Beauty

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Aishwarya Rai, Ann Noble, Audrey Hepburn, Beautiful, Beauty, Beverly Johnson, Christie Brinkley, Dermatologists, Elisabeth Ruscio, Ellen Degeneres, Freckles, Gale Lafavre, Kate Middleton, Katy Perry, Krystal Brenner, Lucielle Ball, Lucy Ball, Moles, Nancy Bell, Oasis Day Spa, Oprah Winfrey, Princess Kate, Rina Ruscio, Threading, Tina Fey, Toni Ruscio, Wax

Here comes the turnip truck!

Audrey

Krystal

Lucy

A Turnip

Beverly

Ann

Katy

Elisabetta

Christie

Nancy

Aishwarya

Gale

Kate

RiRi

Ellen

Tina

Oprah

Toni

BEAUTY FROM THE BEGINNING

Since the beginning of time the Universe has been plagued with beautiful women. Women who’ve been despised for their good looks and excellent genes.

Followers, today I am here to ask you not to hate us because we are beautiful. Prettiness requires A LOT of work. Beautiful people don’t wake up looking gorgeous everyday. Most of us have to pluck, wax, wash, nip, tuck, color, cut and buff to achieve such perfection!

It’s not easy.

To show you what a chore being beautiful really is, I’ve decided to take you behind the scenes so you can see what I have to do to BE BEAUTIFUL. That said, the beautifying process is a long one. Therefore, this article is going to be a long one, so settle in for the long haul or read it in chapters – whichever you prefer.

This is what I typically look like when I wake up in the morning.

Poor Jim. This is yet another reason for me to keep blurring out his face in photos.

DERMATOLOGISTS

This first thing you must do if you want to be beautiful is make an appointment to see a dermatologist – if you don’t already – so that a professional can check your body, front and back, for any abnormalities and weirdness. Seriously. I go every year and on my last visit I discovered that the cute little freckles which cover my body are really MOLES! Yikes. Fortunately, they are not cancerous and I know to watch them for any changes that may occur over time. You may be able to prevent skin cancer if you just make a dermatology appointment!

WAXING

They say one’s eyes are a mirror of his/her soul … I think … anyway, I want people to be able to look into my eyes and see my inner beauty, but first I have to make sure they can find them! Several times a month I am forced to wax away the jungle above my eyes so that my unruly brows don’t turn into awnings.

I have being going to the same spa for eons because I just love my aesthetician (Meagan at Oasis Day Spa) to pieces – even though she seems to get joy out of torturing me.

Come on, Meagan! You’re pretty too.

It all starts with the waxing pot:

Doesn’t this look enticing?

First, I settle in and get cozy on the waxing table.

Next, I get to enjoy the warmth of the wax as it is spread like butter all over my forehead and melts onto my unwanted hair. It’s nice.

Then RIP!!!!

It’s OK, folks, the pain only lasts a few seconds and the redness goes away in a matter of hours.

Since we are already in Meagan’s torture chamber, I will also share with you my arm waxing experience.

Because I come from a long line of Italians, I am a very hairy girl. My arms resemble that of an orangutan when I don’t wax them.

Don’t feel bad for me though because I was lucky enough to be born with this issue, and so early on I learned to overcome the frightened stares people sported when they saw me coming, the bullying from other kids and the constant excess of hair everywhere.

I’m in a good place now.

Actually, funny stories come out of unfunny situations. Once, when I was a baby, my mom and dad brought me to the zoo and accidentally almost left me in the primate pen! Mom had unknowingly picked up a baby orangutan instead of me and as she started to carry it away she was stopped by security guards who thought she was trying to get herself a free pet by replacing a baby orangutan with an ugly duckling. Upon further examination, the security team understood completely that my mom made an honest mistake.

Really, Mom? Really?

Can you tell the difference?

Back to the waxing…

In order for Meagan to reach all the hair on my arms, she makes me contort my body like a pretzel. I don’t know which hurts more – the actual waxing or my arm popping out of its socket as it “rests” on the table.

One may think I would hate Meagan’s guts for torturing me so, but this is simply not true. I love her. Although, I am concerned when she laughs as I scream. She seems to delight in my pain.

I love Meagan for making me beautiful … and for convincing me that I need to buy hundreds of dollars in top-of-the-line beauty products every month to keep the wrinkles and the age spots at bay.

You’re the best Meagan!

THE UPPER LIP

When I am done waxing the brows and arms, I need to move on to the upper lip … and that REALLY hurts so I take care of that area myself in a more loving fashion.

Instead of waxing, I buy a bottle of Sally Hansen Brush-On Hair Removal Crème from the drug store and go to town tenderly removing the fuzz on my upper lip.

In just a matter of minutes my upper lip is hairless and smooth!

HANDS, SHOULDERS, KNEES AND TOES – KNEES AND TOES

Next, women have to beautify their hands, shoulders (well, really their armpits), knees and toes. This requires that we wax or shave regularly and adhere to a strict manicure and pedicure schedule.

I myself prefer to shave my legs because my hair grows as fast as the weeds in my garden grow, so waxing is not economical for me (if you need a reminder of my hairiness please see the orangutan pictures above).

Don’t I have such pretty legs!

Speaking of personal economics, I can’t afford regular manis and pedis, as my more affluent friends are accustomed to getting, but I do try to keep up with the pedicures in the summer and I always try to get both for special occasions.

Don’t I have the cutest toes and fingers?

Manicures and pedicures are really one of those things that add a polished look to a person’s outward appearance. And they are not just for women! Jim’s friend, Pete, gets regular manis and pedis too! It’s true. Just ask him.

This is Pete:

I know Pete may appear scary at first, but really he is a moderately tempered giant! All the girls at my spa say so.

MOISTURIZE, MOISTURIZE, MOISTURIZE!

Now, beauty wanna-bees, it is very important to moisturize every single day… from the top of your head all the way down to that pinky toe!

I love to moisturize. You’ve already seen a picture of the expensive facial moisturizers I use (above); following is a photo of some of the body moisturizers I am currently using. Hempz is my favorite body lotion; however, I change up the brands of creams I use all the time depending on the size of my wallet.

Note: It’s best to moisturize after you shower when your body is still damp because this allows the moisturizers to seep into your skin better. I saw this tip on Dr. Oz.

MY LUSCIOUS LOCKS

Next, I will tell you how I maintain the luscious locks on my precious head.

I go to a professional (my friend Wendi) and get my hair colored and cut every 6-8 weeks. I should probably go more often for maintenance but I can’t afford to because of those dang facial creams and cleansers Meagan makes me purchase every month.

Plus, when I am done with my hair appointment I like to buy another $100 in fancy coiffure products to nourish my hair and scalp.

Anyway, when I do get to the hair salon Wendi pulls out her weed whacker, mixes the color and sculpts my hair into a nest of niceness.

To start, Wendi colors my hair – this is never a pretty look for me.

Next, I get my hair washed and my head massaged. This is my most favorite part. And, Wendi loves me so much that she uses the most expensive shampoos, conditioners and styling products in the joint because she knows that they are too rich for my blood.

Finally, she gives me a good cut and blow dry and sends me on my merry way.

Me and my nest of niceness:

A MAKEUP REGIMEN

I like to wear makeup when I go out in public. I like the way it covers up all my red blotches and “sun spots”. Depending on the gathering or event or place I am going to, I will change up the brand I use.

For instance, if I am performing or attending a big party I pull out the big guns: MAC Makeup. This is as good for covering up one’s face as Spackle is for covering up a crumbling wall.

For work and everyday use I wear Clinique Makeup.

I prefer wearing neutral colors because it gives me a very natural look, which causes people to wonder if I am wearing any makeup at all! I just love when people ask me if I have make-up on or if my skin is just naturally radiant.  I always say, “Why, no, this is me makeup free! The dewy glow you see is a result of the burpless fish-oil pills I take everyday.”

Now, I know it’s a lie, but it’s a lie that makes me feel good about myself. Besides, the part about the fish oil pills is true. I take one fish oil pill everyday, along with one Vitamin D tablet and 2 Flintstones vitamins (gummy-bear style) for my heart health, bone health, overall skin care and all the things that need help in between.

BEAUTY SECRETS FROM ABOVE

Audrey’s Beauty Secret: When asked in January 1992 if she had any personal beauty secrets besides Sam Levenson’s philosophical tips, Ms. Hepburn said, “If I had them, I’d make a fortune.  But I know what helps: lots of sleep, lots of fresh air, and a lot of help from Estée Lauder.”

Krystal’s Beauty Secret: Krystal is a big fan of eyebrow threading. She says, “I would have to say threading of the eyebrows is the way to go! I never had shape to my eyebrows until I got them threaded. It’s torturous but so worth it! And cheap!”

Lucy’s Beauty Secret: According to The Stir, Lucy was quoted as saying, “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”

The Turnip’s Beauty Secret: Use Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion to remove eye makeup.

Beverly’s Beauty Secret: Beverly said, on The Nate Burkus show, “Staying active is important for health and to keep a youthful figure.” Beverly loves to golf.

Ann’s Beauty Secret: Three words: Oil of Olay

Katy’s Beauty Secret: Katy says she is “religious” about washing her face before bed. She also keeps her lips perfectly primed for lipstick by moisturizing them with a sea scrub before she goes to bed each night and applying a little cocoa butter to them each morning. Katy never bakes in the sun – she uses a self-tanner instead. Finally, Katy brushes her teeth about 6 times a day.

Elisabetta’s Beauty Secret: Elisabetta, my maternal grandmamma, died over three years ago, but before that she kept her skin soft and subtle by using Dove Facial Cleanser and Ponds Cold Cream.

Christie’s Beauty Secret: Christie believes it is important to have close relationships with trusted friends and family. She is a vegetarian who doesn’t believe in diets, loves to smile and who always uses sunscreen. She also encourages everyone to work toward protecting the planet – and you can start by eating organically. Christie thinks everyone should go out and enjoy nature and she does all kinds of exercises: gym, Pilates, yoga, walking on the beach, and dancing. And she rarely drinks.

Nancy’s Beauty Secret: Nancy believes that the more expensive products are usually worth the extra money. She also recommends that if you have acne look for products with salicylic acid versus glycolic acid (I would check this tip with a dermatologist first if I were you. Nancy is not a doctor). She believes drinking water helps a person’s skin look better and can help eliminate acne. Finally, Nancy says that alcohol (the kind people drink) makes people look puffy and bloated.

Aishwarya’s Beauty Secret: Aishwarya Rai is a self-confessed natural beauty follower. She uses cucumber to soothe her skin, gram flour to exfoliate, and milk and yogurt to moisturize the skin.

Gale’s Beauty Secret: Gold Bond Ultimate Restoring Skin Therapy Cream.

Kate’s Beauty Secret: According to an insider, Kate’s flat tummy is the work of one of those giant exercise balls. “Kate does an hour’s workout every morning using the gym ball and dumbbells, which includes some core exercises like squats, sit-ups and arm curls.” Apparently she is also a fan of a face mask containing bee-sting venom pioneered by beauty therapist Deborah Mitchell that claims to be a needle-free shortcut to youthful, line-free skin.

I don’t know about that last tip though – her stepmother-in-law, Camilla Parker Bowles, uses the face mask containing bee-sting venom too.

RiRi’s Beauty Secret: RiRi loves Avon Day Cream. She would like to love Avon Night Cream too, but that is currently more money than she is willing to spend on her beauty regimen. Until she gives in and pays the $50 or Avon lowers the price of this product, RiRi will moisturize her face at night with Oil of Olay.

Ellen’s Beauty Secret: I’m going to make a wild guess here:

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Cover Girl.

Tina’s Beauty Secret: To all the women out there, Tina suggests that you lose weight sensibly (when you need to lose weight), always wear a bra (even if you think you don’t need one), have a trademark (Tina’s trademark is her black, horn rimmed glasses), choose the right makeup (she uses Mommy Makeup kits) and be yourself (don’t cover the real you with flashy dresses and jewels).

Oprah’s Beauty Secret: Oprah’s favorite bra is the Le Mystere Tisha Bra.

Toni’s Beauty Secret: Use Preparation H to reduce under-eye puffiness. For years models and Lisa Ling have used Preparation H to reduce under-eye puffiness. It’s not just for hemorrhoids.

Now, if I am being honest, I don’t know if Prep H is really reducing my facial puffs, but if the super models say it works then I’m going to keep having faith that it’s working and I am less puffy than I would be if I didn’t use it on a daily basis.

Please consult a physician before putting Preparation H on your face, as I will not be held responsible for your stupidity.

DON’T SKIP YOUR BEAUTY APPOINTMENTS

Friends, please, whatever the mistakes you may make in your life, do not make the mistake of missing your beauty appointments. My cousin and godchild, Mikayla, learned this the hard way.

The day before her confirmation Mikayla had a waxing appointment with my Meagan. Actually, while I was getting my arms waxed (see above photo) I discovered that Mikayla had the next appointment. When I left the room I could not find Mikayla anywhere. I thought to myself: “Why isn’t she waiting to go in?” So, I called her on the phone … she was skipping her appointment to tool around Boston with a fellow Turnip! I was so embarrassed.

Unfortunately for Mikayla, this was just the first in a long line of missed beauty appointments. Today, she looks like this:

I fear I will soon have a Cousin It in the family.

People are starting to confuse her with Troy Polamalu, which I don’t really get … Troy has a much friendlier smile.

This is Troy Polamalu:

THE FINISHED PRODUCT

After all the waxing, whining, spackling, plastering, moisturizing and painting is complete, this is the image I see looking back at me from the mirror:

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Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

There’s Nothing Like a Bestest!

02 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by Toni Ruscio in My quest to meet Oprah Winfrey and Tina Fey!

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Bermuda, Best Friend, Bestest, Bestie, Bossypants, Boston, cruise, Georgia, Kermit, Kerry, Manhattan, Margaret, New York, Nicole, Oprah Winfrey, rodeo clowns, rodeos, Tina Fey

Here comes the turnip truck!

First, a note to all my subscribers: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am so happy to have 20 subscribers in the first week! You are the most important people in my life right now and everything I do I do for you. No. I did not mean to quote a song just then. Seriously. Thank you. I sent my first two emails announcing my new blog site and begging people to subscribe to over 160 people and 20 of you subscribed. I would like to know why the other 140 didn’t bother, but that is neither here nor there because YOU, current subscribers, are the people to whom I’m dedicating this post.

Another note to subscribers: please don’t read this post from your email – go to the blog page so I can tally how many hits I’m getting. I’m obsessed with those darn stats! Besides, the real blog page has more pizzazz. Love you all (and by “all” I mean my subscribers). XO

(For those of you unfamiliar with the “XO” notation, it means hugs and kisses.)

Blowing a Kiss to My Subscribers Me ... The Hug is Right Behind the Kiss, You Just Can't See It!

OK. This is my 4th blog post. I’m so glad I made it this far. I’m starting to feel like all the trouble it took me to build this blog site was not for nothing. Actually, I’m surprised at how technically savvy I am becoming on this blogging machine. I didn’t think it was possible.

 So, as I paid homage to Oprah in my last post I need to pay something to Tina in this one. The way I see it, Tina Fey and I are a lot alike. We have similar writing styles (though Tina’s is a little wittier than mine – and way more grammatically correct. I’ve never been great at spelling or grammar. It’s a curse that I will live with until the day I die – and I’m not dying until I reach the age 100 so I have a long road ahead of me of feeling inadequate.). She is pretty and I aspire to be pretty. I don’t even want to be beautiful pretty. Averagely pretty will do. And, we have both been on the hometown (she from New York and me from Boston) to Bermuda cruise and experienced annoying situations. (Tina, I know you would say this is an understatement in your case, but I’m trying to average out our levels of irritation. If you, the reader of this blog, want to read more about Tina’s annoying cruising experience, go buy her book: Bossypants.)

Tina, if you want to be friends, there is plenty of room in my life for someone as fabulous and fun as yourself. All you have to do is say the word. You can be my Manhattan bestest! (Laura is already my Brooklyn bestest.) I’m sure Amy Poehler won’t mind sharing!

Besties = Best Friends Forever = BFFs = Bestestes

That’s BEST – EST – ES … NOT Beasts

Now on to some of my real-life bestest friends. Please don’t be offended if you are not noted as one of my bestestes on this post. It doesn’t mean anything.

Many of you do not know my friend Margaret. Margaret is my Bestest [friend] in Massachusetts. I have two other bestestes: Nicole in Georgia and Kerry B in North Carolina.

None of my bestestes really like sharing me with other friends. I think this is very nice. It makes me feel special. Seriously, I am not complaining. After all, I put a lot of work into convincing all three of them that I was the bestest friend that they each had in the entire world and they believed me. Cultivating such powerful friendships is very time-consuming and exhausting. So, I’m glad they appreciate my efforts.

Margaret was one I aggressively pursued a friendship with for years before she even noticed me (Noooo, Jim, I did not stalk her) and then I brainwashed her into thinking I was her bestest friend in the whole wide world and we became buddies. Margaret dreams of owning her very own Dairy Queen one day. MMM MM! I looooove DQ! I hope she tosses her nursing career aside and buys this little ice cream hut. It would make me very happy.

Another little tidbit about Margaret is that she hates to talk on the phone. Our relationship continues to be forged on nothing but a multitude of text messages. Margaret doesn’t care that she could get thumb disease from texting on her cell phone all day long. I, too, feel this is a better way to die than, say, holding a cell up to your brain and getting a tumor. That would be painful.

This is Margaret

Kerry is a very unique individual. Firstly, she thinks she gets personal emails from Oprah. She doesn’t.

Nextly, she loves to go to rodeos and country line dance. Actually, she was once smitten with a rodeo clown named Kermit whom she met when we were country dancing at Billy’s in Peabody, MA. It’s true. Even I can’t make up stuff this crazy. It never really worked out with Kerry and Kermit because his job was just too dangerous. She would have nightmares every night that he was getting head-butted by a bull. Ouch! Find the barrel, Kermit!

Finally, Kerry B’s dream is to one day become a professional wrestler like George Clooney’s current girlfriend, what’s-her-name Keibler Cracker. I hope Kerry gets her wish. That would be nice.

This is Kerry B

And what is Nicole’s dream? Nicole wants to be a folk singer. When we were in our 20s she would ask me to sit on the couch in her living room and watch her give would-be concert performances. She was good, but she couldn’t catch a break. It’s all in who you know, I guess. I bet Oprah could make her dream come true.

Nicole now lives in Georgia with her family. Nicole doesn’t want to Skype with me so I never see her anymore. She doesn’t like to use any kind of phone device so I never talk to her. And she is morally opposed to all things Internet, so we never email. Heck! For all I know she moved to India by now. No. I’m just being grumpy. I’m sure one day we will make contact with each other again. That would be a miracle.

This is Nicole

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

Mr. Snuffleupagus Is Real

31 Wednesday Aug 2011

Posted by Toni Ruscio in My quest to meet Oprah Winfrey and Tina Fey!

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

30 Rock, chicago, freaks, muppets, Oprah Winfrey, sesame street, Snuffleupagus, Tina Fey, turnip, turnip truck, wicked

Here comes the turnip truck!

For all those interested, I’ve made some updates to the EXPLAINED page. There are now examples which show what may have fallen off a turnip truck and what was born underneath it.

Readers, are these posts too frequent? I feel like I’m running out of things to say already. Which is funny because this blog is about nothing and there is always a lot of nothing to talk about in general, but when you are looking for nothing in particular to talk about for a blog the well is as dry as a week old turkey bone. Please forgive me if every post isn’t witty and fun… the best may well be behind me now. I can promise that I will continue to post silly and/or unflattering photos of people in future posts (see the EXPLAINED page for examples) because that makes me laugh. So, that is something to look forward to! Isn’t it?

Well, believe it or not, Oprah (who, by the way, is my absolute hero) and I have something very important in common – our birthdays are on the same day: January 29th! (Did you get that? January 29th. I am reiterating my birthday date if you want to note it on your calendar and send me birthday messages when the time comes. To me, not Oprah. She has plenty of people wishing her Happy Birthday.)

In any case, I was so excited when I found out about this birthday-thing. I always have this recurring dream that Oprah will pass me on the street some day, somewhere and just look at me and know that I would be the perfect host of her children’s TV show on her OWN network. This is absurd for many reasons the first of which is that her network targets folks in the 18-85 age group and not children. But I hope to change that one day. And maybe she will only have to look at me and know that I’m the perfect one to lead the team in developing quality TV for children. Actually, I don’t want to “lead” anything – I just want to host a children’s TV show. Seriously, I just want to walk on to a TV set where the people dressed in black and holding cameras are actually filming me (get your mind out of the gutter people) and I’m not taking a tour. I will be cute and sassy (and middle-aged, which is approaching rapidly … see the Frightened By My Lot In Life Me photograph on the ABOUT page), have fun and leave.

Actually, one of my goals in life is to be on Sesame Street, but as a real person and not a puppet voice.

The Muppets and Me

If Oprah doesn’t want me for a show on her OWN network, maybe Tina Fey will want me for her show: 30 Rock. Actually, if she doesn’t work me too hard I can slip away from 30 Rock now and then and make an appearance on Sesame Street and scoot back to 30 Rock. They both film in New York City. I’ve always wanted to live in New York City.

Roxie and Me in NYC - We are not in Chicago.

Elphie and Me in NYC

The Freaks and Me in NYC

Right now I’m still trying to find out where Ope spends her days so that I can nonchalantly walk past her. Hopefully she is not hiding out on one of her many estates when our paths cross because that would be awkward. I love you to bits Oprah and I know in my heart that one day our friendship (or workship) will be as real as Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

 T

Oprah? Tina? Are you there? It’s me … Toni.

29 Monday Aug 2011

Posted by Toni Ruscio in My quest to meet Oprah Winfrey and Tina Fey!

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

Oprah Winfrey, SNL, Tina Fey, Tropical Storms, turnip, turnip truck, Weymouth

Here comes the turnip truck!

OK. I decided to blog for several reasons two of which are: 1) because everyone else is doing it, and 2) because this may be the perfect way to get the attention of Oprah Winfrey and/or Tina Fey. Do you hear me Oprah and Tina? I am desperately reaching out to you! (Please see the lovely photo of us from my first post.)

So, I feel that I should warn you about a few things before you read any further. If you are a reader who is looking for well-written, thought-out, deep articles on important topics (or things you think are important), this is not the blog for you. Stop reading now. This blog is about as deep as the sewn up pockets on a fancy pair of trouser pants. If, however, you have the hankerin’ for an odd sort of stream of consciousness writing that focuses on nothing and everything and sometimes something specific and always on Oprah and Tina all at the same time, then this is the perfect blog for you.

I ask that anyone who has a nasty comment to share – please do keep it to yourself. I don’t want anyone spreading his or her negativity into my Universe. There is too much hate and badness going around and I’m trying to avoid all of it. Plus, I have students who may stumble across this blog (because I sent them the link and begged them to read it) and I don’t want them exposed to such crap – regardless of what they are experiencing in the real word. Anyone stepping into my world for a few minutes will be stepping into a different sort of bubble and it’s a very nice bubble full of fun and magic – a happy bubble.

I feel like I should comment on yesterday’s “tropical storm”, but I don’t really have anything to say about it. I didn’t turn on the news. I didn’t read about it on the Internet. A witch only pedaled past my office window once. So, for me nothing unusual happened. I will say this, it was very funny (because nobody was hurt) how many texts I got throughout the day from family and friends describing fallen trees in their back or front yards. And isn’t it weird how every time a tree falls in a front (or side) yard, it always seems to find a power line or two on its way down? The fallen back yard trees always end up in, or crushing, a family pool or wanna-be garden. It was also strange how the severity of the storm differed from town to town.

For example, here is how some folks spent the day in parts of Weymouth, MA:

Irena Poppins Enjoys the Summer's First Tropical Storm

And here is what was going on just one town over:

Man Forced to Swim Home During Irene

(The above images are real photographs and have not been doctored in any way.)

Truly, I hope that you all survived the weekend unscathed and are enjoying this gorgeous day.

That is all I have to say for now. For those of you (Nancy) who could only find one page of this blog on your first perusal of the site, please know that there are currently three (3) pages: the Home Page, which you can get to by clicking on the title, Under the Turnip Truck, at the top of the page, the About Page, where you will see the cutest photo of my new little nephew, Jackson…. and his gigantic flip-flops, and the Under the Turnip Truck Explained page, which will … explain … why I chose this name.  More pages may or may not be added later. Please go and read them because it will make me feel better about myself. I can tell from the “stats” section of the blog data base who isn’t going to view those pages. So GO. Please.

I wish I could think of a cool sign-off, but I can’t. And if you offer me one and I take it, know now that I’m not giving you any credit for it. Like the powers-that-be at SNL and like Shakespeare, I will just steal it from you and call it a day. Actually Shakespeare only “borrowed” from other writers and he always made it better in the end, so that made the stealing borrowing okay. Don’t you think?

So, until that cool sign-off comes along …

 I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

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