Breathe, Damn It: Part IV

Tags

Anxiety, Baby Massage, Blood Pressure, Body Tissue, body tissues, control blood pressure, damaged muscles, De-Stress, Depression, Esthetician, Facial, health, Immune System, immune system function, Massage, Masseuse, mental-health, Muscles, Oasis Day Spa, Stress, turnip, turnip truck

Here comes the turnip truck!

Alas, we have reached our last chapter in the Breathe, Damn It series: Facials and Massages. Facials and massages are, in my opinion, the very best way to relax, detox and de-stress.

FACIALS

I think it is a proven fact that facials (are): 1. The best way to cleanse and hydrate your skin, 2. Awesome for increasing face circulation, 3. Have loads of emotional benefits, and 4. Help to prevent aging.

So, if your face is pruning up or flaky or blotchy or pimply or the like …

… you may want to consider a visit to your local spa. If you don’t have a local spa you can use mine:

Oasis Day Spa Website

Ask for Meagan

MASSAGES

Another possible proven fact is that massages: 1. Relieve stress, 2. Ease anxiety, 3. Manage depression, 4. Improve immune-system function, 5. Control blood pressure, 6. Calm or stimulate your muscles and body tissues, 7. Stimulate circulation, 8. Improve healing of damaged muscles, and 9. Stimulate your lymphatic system to clear wastes from your body and trigger your body’s release of endorphins and other stress-relieving hormones.

Awesome! Right?

The above information must be true because I found it on some website (I can’t remember which one) and websites are always right. Aren’t they?

So, if you are feeling achy or stressed out or knotted-up or backed-up or the like…

… you may want to consider a visit to your local spa. If you don’t have a local spa you can use mine:

Oasis Day Spa Website

Ask for Kathleen

I think I also read somewhere that massages can stimulate growth in infants! So – maybe – if shortness runs in your family and you have a child you will want to massage it into tallness!

Again, readers, please consult your doctor before giving your baby a massage – I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV. You can’t believe everything you read and I read a lot, so the chances of me getting misinformation somewhere along the line are pretty great.

If I had things my way I would be visiting Meagan and Kathleen every single day for these services. (You were introduced to my favorite esthetician, Meagan Scott, in my article on beauty – Kathleen is my favorite masseuse).

Kathleen and Meagan:

Both Meagan and Kathleen work at Oasis Day Spa in Weymouth, Massachusetts and they are the best and I highly encourage you to visit them some day soon. Firm believers in equal opportunity beautifying, they invite men to try out their services too!

SOME OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO TO RELAX

There are plenty of other things you can do to relax if one of the suggestions I’ve made in this Breathe, Damn It series thus far doesn’t float your boat. I will only outline them briefly below because I don’t want to stress anyone out who feels that this article is already too long and who is anxious to move onto some other activity. If you are one of these angst-ridden people, then I have some advice for you: BREATHE, DAMN IT!

First, you can watch a candle burn. I suggest you burn one with a nice patchouli scent.

ACCIDENTAL FIRE WARNING:

Don’t leave your candle unattended – bad things happen when candles go unattended for more than a minute and a half.

If you burn a candle or two while taking a tubby, as pictured above, and an accidental fire occurs, you can save yourself by sprinkling those vicious, stress-inducing flames with some of that scented water you are sitting in!

Second, you can stare at a tree. I suggest you choose a tree with luscious green leaves. I also suggest you pick a sunny day, as sitting in the rain on a cold and dreary day looking at a tree like an idiot will only thrust you further into a negative state.

Third, you can listen to soothing music while you rest in a hammock … or read Under the Turnip Truck. If you choose the hammock option make sure you know how to ease yourself into the net without flipping over onto your face because flipping over onto your face will only irritate you further, thereby defeating the purpose of the exercise.

Finally, you can kick the life out of a piece of technology. However, I would not kick the life out of any technology with an “i” in front of it, as these products are all extremely overpriced and if you own one which you purchased yourself you are probably already angry that  such an extravagant purchase has propelled you further into debt making you poorer than you were before you bought it and killing such a product will only piss you off more.

Soooo,

HAPPY DE-STRESSING!

Now…

BREATHE…

Ommmmmmmmmmm

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

Breathe, Damn It: Part I

Tags

Acupressure, Acupressure Mats, Bed of Nails, Breathe, Calm, De-Stress, Facial, Healing, health, Massage, medicine, Meditation, Nawang Khechog, Peace, Pilates, Relax, Relaxation, Spoonk, Stress, Tea, turnip, Yoga

Here comes the turnip truck!

Followers, today starts my series on de-stressing called Breathe, Damn It.

Over the next few weeks I am going to give my opinions on how you can best de-stress your lives!

I will share with you some of the things that I do to bring peace to my often-stressful life. You will learn all about the fun of using an acupressure mat, the soothingness of meditation, the benefits of yoga and Pilates, and the joy of treating yourself to facials and massages.

So, let’s begin!

Maybe you want to run and grab yourself a cup of tea to sip on while you read – go ahead, I’ll wait.

Are you back yet?

Good.

There are many things you can do to destress, detox, and deflate. I will start this series by telling you about my least favorite.

In the event that you wish to listen to some nice mediation music while you read, click the You Tube link below. Nawang Khechog is one of my favorite musicians.

Jack loves to listen to Nawang while he sleeps.

Get Comfy.

Enjoy!

THE ACUPRESSURE MAT

This is my Spoonk acupressure mat:

This is my Bed of Nails acupressure pillow:

The makers of some acupressure mats recommend that customers use the product while naked in their own home (at least I hope they mean in one’s own home – how horrifying would it be for one stranger to see another stranger lying naked on an acupressure mat in the park or at the beach!). I personally cannot use this product without the aid of my clothing because doing so hurts like hell.

NOTE TO THE ACUPRESSURE MAT MAKERS: To the makers of all acupressure products – if I read the instructions wrong and you don’t recommend nakedness then that is your fault and not mine and you need to make the instructions clearer. Thank you and feel free to leave a comment and correct me if I am wrong.

As you can see from the picture below, the mats are lined with circular disks and each disk has a bunch of little sharp plastic nails sticking out of it.

Those nails are so sharp that the first time I tried the mat it poked a hole in my tank top. Now I only use that tank top when I lay on the mat.

One time when I was putting the mat away my hand grazed one of the disks and the little nails broke my skin open! So, should you try one of these mats yourself be very, very careful or you could maim yourself!

I have to say that I do enjoy lying on the mat if my skin isn’t in direct contact with any part of it. I don’t know if it is relieving any stress, but at least I get to take a quick catnap when I use it, which is quite nice … until I roll over. The doctors say the holes in my face should close up any day now.

I’m just kidding! I don’t have any holes in my face from the acupressure mat.

I love that I can use the pillow without any skin protection. My favorite time to use it is when I am watching TV – I like to kick my feet up and rest my neck against it at the end of the day.

Acupressure mats can be used to:

• Induce and deepen sleep (I think this was only achieved in a clinical trial, but, again, maybe I read it wrong)
• Relieve back, neck, hip and joint pain (apparently this has been clinically proven, but I have yet to experience such relief)
• Relax the abdomen, and relieve tension in your neck and face.
• Ease muscle tension
• Improve circulation
• Boost energy
• Achieve a deeper sense of relaxation

WARNING: It is important to remember to BREATHE as you relax on the mat. Breathing deeply always seems to dull the majority of the pain for me.

So, I urge you to try this mat yourself because there is a good chance you will just love it. My friend Manny (I’ve changed his name to protect his identity) LOVES his and he doesn’t even have to wear a protective covering!

GREAT SUGGESTION: If you clicked on the above You Tube link, as I originally suggested, you may want to let the melodious sounds of Nawang Khechog continue to play – I’m sure listening to his music while you work will relieve a lot of the tension and stress that will surely build throughout the day as you ponder your difficult, sometimes sad life.

And, please stay tuned for part 2 of the Breathe, Damn It series, which will focus on meditation.

Ommmmmmmmmmm

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T