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Here comes the turnip truck!

MEDITATION

Ahhhh… meditation. I love to meditate… even though I think I am doing it wrong.

In my opinion meditation is very difficult for a person like me. My mind is always racing with thoughts about everything. For example, during a twenty-minute meditation session when I’m seeking inner peace, world peace, physical healing or a past life, I either think of a slew of questions instead or I fall asleep from the exhaustion of thinking too much.


Falling asleep during meditation is VERY common – just ask this kid:

In the event that you wish to listen to some nice mediation music again while you read, click here to listen to more from Nawang Khechog.

Note: It takes a few seconds before the music begins.

TONI’S TYPICAL MEDITATION SESSION

Bell dings to open meditation session.

Breathe…

Concentrate on the breath and on the pretty bright yellow light embracing your whole body – inside and out. It is healing you.

Breathe…

Enjoy the wonderful garden that your soul is floating through right now. … Hey! Is that Oprah’s favorite, giant oak tree in my garden? Is that a sign that Oprah is coming?

No. That is just a regular old oak tree.

Breathe…

What should I eat for lunch right after this session?  I think I will have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Breathe…

What should I make for dinner tonight? Pasta? Cabbage? Take-out?

I wonder what Jim wants for dinner tonight? Jim probably wants pizza. Jim always wants pizza. I think I will make cabbage lasagna.

On second thought, maybe we’ll just order a pizza or maybe we will go out for a pizza because I don’t really want to clean up all the pizza boxes and stuff.

Breathe…

Breathe…

Darn it! I just remembered I ran out of peanut butter yesterday. Now what do I do? I will just make myself an omelet for lunch because I had an English muffin for breakfast with a hardboiled egg and a ½ a papaya so that is at least two different styles of egg. …

No. That’s too much egg for you, T, because you have high cholesterol. High cholesterol runs in your family. Thanks family! I will have a veggie burger instead and be done with it.

Breathe…

God, I want a personal chef. I wish that Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen would hurry up and discover me so that they can offer me a job making decent enough money so that I can live comfortably and buy a personal chef.

Breathe…

 Is wanting to work with/for Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen my dream or someone else’s dream? If it is someone else’s dream then fate suggests that it can’t be my dream and I have to have my own dream. Or did I read that part about dreams wrong?

I think I am incapable of dreaming because I can’t even decide what I want to be when I grow up. My life is almost 39.5% over and what do I have to show for it? Why isn’t meditation making me feel more enlightened right now and less pitiful?

Lordy, those men working on the house next door are so loud and they listen to crappy music.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

    I hate that music.

    You are floating with your angel friend now – feel light and free.

Breathe…

Why aren’t I able to reshape my body even though I am eating right and working out and put a picture of the body I want on my vision board? I seem to be expanding instead of shrinking. That rots. I don’t want to buy new clothes in case I lose weight – that should make Jim financially happy since I can’t afford to be buying new clothes anyway. God, I want Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen to hurry up and discover me so that I can buy new clothes soon… I don’t want to be a senior citizen before I can afford to buy new clothes because … hmmmm… new thought: I hope I’m stylish like Helen Mirren when I am older…

Breathe…

What is my purpose in this lifetime supposed to be?

Breathe…

If I want to reshape my body into that of a perfect Goddess then I had better not eat pizza tonight …

Breathe…

I will order a Caesar salad with no anchovies or dressing.

Yum. Can’t wait …

Breathe…

How can I be of service to others? Deepak Chopra says that is the most important thing you can strive for in life … to be of service to others.

Dr. Dyer thinks so too…

Breathe…

I used to like Eckhart Tolle the best, but I think I like Deepak the best now… and Dr. Dyer… no Eckhart…

Breathe…

Does Tina Fey like Deepak? Oprah loves Deepak.

Am on the right career path?

BREATHE!!!!

God, can’t those workers next door SHUT UP!!!

Am I on a good career path or am I not, damn it!?

Am I on any path?

Am I too lazy?

Do I work too much?

Why can’t I just enjoy existing?

BREATHE!

Maybe reciting a poem will help me focus … Twas the night before Christmas

Ugh!!! Stop! It’s the summer not winter. Dork.

Breathe…

God, I’m bored … Is it OK to be bored?

Are those workers smoking? Is that smoke I smell? My Lord!!! It’s 2012 – don’t they know smoking is bad for you??? It can kill. Kill. KILL!

Breathe…

I have friends who smoke. They know who they are. Please stop smoking, friends, I want you to live. I am sending loving, non-smoking thoughts to all my beautiful friends…

I wish I had been born with psychic powers. That would be so fun.

I wish I was born a Jedi Master. That would be better.

Am I missing signs that are meant to guide me through life? Probably.

Is that little voice in my head God talking to me or is it just me talking to myself and hoping that God is talking to me and if it is God talking to me then why can’t He be a little more specific with what he wants me to do with myself and my life?

BREATHE, DAMN IT!!!!

And, for the love of Pete, what on earth…

The bell dings and the meditation session is over.

See what I mean?

I’ve studied with all the great meditation teachers via books, periodicals, You Tube, DVDs and CDs and still I’m not that great at quieting my mind and letting it slip into the gap of enlightenment and personal fulfillment … but, I’m better than I used to be!

I just know that the more I meditate the better I am going to get. Maybe one day I will be so good at it that I can float my soul self over to Oprah, Tina and/or Ellen and whisper into their ear(s) that undertheturniptruck.wordpress.com is a great site to visit and they will visit it and then they will find me.

Ahhhh – the power of meditation!

Then again, someone (I can’t remember who) recently suggested that I just email each of them my blog site … now there is a thought. I will get right on it after I post this article!

In the event that you, my Followers, would like to learn to meditate, here is a link to some video lessons by the master, Deepak Chopra.

Note: You may have to hit the back button after watching the video clip in order to return to this page.

Video Clip: Deepak Chopra Meditation Technique

Stay tuned for part 3 of the Breathe, Damn It series, which will focus on yoga and Pilates.

Ommmmmmmmmmm

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T

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