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Here comes the turnip truck!

HELLO MY FOLLOWERS!

I’M BACK!!!

I’m so sorry for the extra long hiatus; but, you know how it goes: life overwhelms and some of us have spouses who refuse to let their other half be full-time bloggers because I don’t get paid any money to be a full-time blogger so I have to spend all my time and energy working at a bunch of time-consuming jobs so that I can bring home some bacon bits.

Such is my life.

HAPPY BELATED EASTER!

My biggest regret was not reaching out to you all and wishing you the happiest Easter and/or Passover holiday. Easter is my most favorite holiday of all – I love everything about it: the hard-boiled eggs, the bunnies, the bubbles, watching people fall into food comas, the pastel colors, the flowers, the egg hunt, all the Jesus and Moses movies and going to church.

Going to church is my most favorite part of the Eater holiday.

I go to church on Holy Thursday (but I don’t get my feet washed because I was emotionally scarred freshman year of high school when Sister Regina – who was a lovely women except for this one incident – coerced me into getting my feet washed at the Holy Thursday Mass and I had nylons on and seeing as I couldn’t exactly take them off in the middle of church the priest washed the nylons too and so I had to sit through the rest of Mass and then walk home feeling like a wet rag).

I am wondering if Dusty had his feet washed…

I go to church twice on Good Friday, first at 3pm for the Stations of the Cross (it always kills me when Jesus falls the second time and Simon from Cyrene helps Him carry His cross) and next at 7pm for the Veneration of the Cross (I don’t actually kiss the cross like the rest of the congregation does – germs and all that – but I do a nice genuflection to show my respect and gratitude for Jesus and His sacrifice).

I go to church for the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday (because I love to hold the cheap congregational candles in the dark of the church at the beginning of Mass and curse as the hot wax melts and slips through the flimsy cardboard protection cover and all over my hand).

I go to church on Easter morning (because I love to see how many holiday bandwagon people come to celebrate Christ’s resurrection).

Even Christ can’t believe how many fair-weather friends he has on Easter and Christmas.

He would like to know where the heck you people are the other 50 Sundays of the year.

THE EASTER MOVIE-MENT

Each year, as Easter approaches, I watch every single Easter movie I own.

After reviewing my Easter movie collection, Jim decided it was too minusucle and needed to be beefed up and so he went out and bought me more! Before Easter I only owned King of Kings, The Ten Commandments, Jesus, and The Passion of the Christ. After Easter I added the following movies to my Holy stockpile: The Robe, The Greatest Story Ever Told and Jesus of Nazareth.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARYAND BIRTHDAY

This year Easter was extra special because the family celebrated my parents 40th anniversary.

This is a picture of my parents:

Easter also happened to be my Auntie Donna’s 60th birthday.

This is Auntie Donna:

A LENTEN SACRIFICE

Another noteworthy tidbit: I gave up cussing for Lent. For 40 days and 40 nights I promised God I would not swear. Cussing has become a real problem for me, which is weird because I used to hate hearing cuss words. I still hate hearing other people cuss. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point, as I walked along my virtuous path, a gremlin snuck into my brain and took it over. My word of choice starts with an S and ends with a T.

My mom, RiRi Poppins (pronounced Ree-Ree Poppins), told me to put $1 in my rice bowl every time I swore during Lent and I was doing that until I couldn’t afford to do it anymore.

I was slowly going bankrupt in my effort to sacrifice and do good, so I had to change my rice bowl donation to a penny per cuss word. In the end I ended up donating over $30.00 to the poor.

That money is going to feed a lot of hungry children.

At least something good came out of my failure!

THE EASTER FEAST

I wish that I could feed all the hungry people in the world a hard-boiled egg at Easter time. I love Easter food – especially those hard-boiled eggs!

My mom takes 3 days off from work just to cook and bake.

One of her specialty dishes is the Easter cookie, featuring the hard-boiled egg.

Yeah food!!!

There was so much food that Jim and I kept going to RiRi’s house for leftovers on the days that followed. It was awful because I couldn’t stop myself from stuffing everything and anything into my mouth – even after I was beyond stuffed. I just kept inhaling it … and paying the price later. My poor intestines.

Every dinner we ate that week followed the same pattern I established on Easter day:

First, I ate a few pieces of my mom’s other specialty, pita or pizza gania (RiRi doesn’t really know how to spell this dish, so I’m giving you what I got), which is essentially a pie containing hard-boiled eggs, cheese and meats like ham, sausage, etc.

Mmm Mmm Good!

Next, I devoured some manicotties and chicken masala.

Then, I inhaled some ham and veggies and more starch.

Finally, I moved on to the Easter cookies, cakes, Italian pastries and Ricotta pies.

When I was all done Jim rolled me out the door and brought me home.

Since then, my insides have been hating me… Despising me… Torturing me for weeks because I abused it so. They’ve made me promise to never treat them so cruelly again. Thus, I am becoming a fish-a-tarian (again). I tried this a few years ago and it was great except that I gained 30-something pounds. I will try to be smarter this time around – maybe eat more tofu and less pasta. Maybe I will even work-out.

A GOOD DAY!

A good time was had by one and all on Easter.

Following are some snapshots of people enjoying the day.

Jack opening an Easter basket from Ant T and Uncle Jim:

Jack’s dad enjoying his favorite Easter food:

Mikayla and Me:

Nancy, Jack B and Ant T:

Laura and Baby G:

Grandpa Ernie and Jackson B:

Turnip Salad:

My brother Steve leading the Easter egg hunt:

Uncle Jim takes Jack on his first Easter egg hunt:

Jack’s First Egg:

Jack shows off his first egg:

Auntie Donna, Uncle Frank and Jack:

Anthony and Mari stopped by for a visit:

Jack, Grandma RiRi and Grandpa Pat:

Scary Spice Turnip and her Mother – Mama Turnip:

Well, almost everyone had fun:

Jack tries to get away from Cat Turnip:

Cat Turnip’s little sister, Alexandra Turnip:

Clearly the day was all about Jack!

SSSHHH

Next are snapshots of people on Easter night.

Uncle Frank fell asleep at the table around 9:00 PM:

Jim fell asleep in the basement:

At 10:00 PM Uncle Frank was still napping:

Sean and Jack fell asleep in the easy chair:

The Turnip Salad eventually passed out on the couch:

Don’t let the drool drop, Ally:

Uncle Frank was still sleeping at midnight:

HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.

T