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Here comes the turnip truck!

For all those interested, I’ve made some updates to the EXPLAINED page. There are now examples which show what may have fallen off a turnip truck and what was born underneath it.

Readers, are these posts too frequent? I feel like I’m running out of things to say already. Which is funny because this blog is about nothing and there is always a lot of nothing to talk about in general, but when you are looking for nothing in particular to talk about for a blog the well is as dry as a week old turkey bone. Please forgive me if every post isn’t witty and fun… the best may well be behind me now. I can promise that I will continue to post silly and/or unflattering photos of people in future posts (see the EXPLAINED page for examples) because that makes me laugh. So, that is something to look forward to! Isn’t it?

Well, believe it or not, Oprah (who, by the way, is my absolute hero) and I have something very important in common – our birthdays are on the same day: January 29th! (Did you get that? January 29th. I am reiterating my birthday date if you want to note it on your calendar and send me birthday messages when the time comes. To me, not Oprah. She has plenty of people wishing her Happy Birthday.)

In any case, I was so excited when I found out about this birthday-thing. I always have this recurring dream that Oprah will pass me on the street some day, somewhere and just look at me and know that I would be the perfect host of her children’s TV show on her OWN network. This is absurd for many reasons the first of which is that her network targets folks in the 18-85 age group and not children. But I hope to change that one day. And maybe she will only have to look at me and know that I’m the perfect one to lead the team in developing quality TV for children. Actually, I don’t want to “lead” anything – I just want to host a children’s TV show. Seriously, I just want to walk on to a TV set where the people dressed in black and holding cameras are actually filming me (get your mind out of the gutter people) and I’m not taking a tour. I will be cute and sassy (and middle-aged, which is approaching rapidly … see the Frightened By My Lot In Life Me photograph on the ABOUT page), have fun and leave.

Actually, one of my goals in life is to be on Sesame Street, but as a real person and not a puppet voice.

The Muppets and Me

If Oprah doesn’t want me for a show on her OWN network, maybe Tina Fey will want me for her show: 30 Rock. Actually, if she doesn’t work me too hard I can slip away from 30 Rock now and then and make an appearance on Sesame Street and scoot back to 30 Rock. They both film in New York City. I’ve always wanted to live in New York City.

Roxie and Me in NYC - We are not in Chicago.

Elphie and Me in NYC

The Freaks and Me in NYC

Right now I’m still trying to find out where Ope spends her days so that I can nonchalantly walk past her. Hopefully she is not hiding out on one of her many estates when our paths cross because that would be awkward. I love you to bits Oprah and I know in my heart that one day our friendship (or workship) will be as real as Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Until next time…

I’m turning off the turnip truck.